55kgs.

Bringing my attention back to weight loss

2011-02-01T10:52:00.005Z

Yesterday I noticed that it was no longer dark at 4pm and today I saw some snowdrops peeking up above the brown soil. It may still be a long way off but spring is on its way. That makes my heart sooooooo glad.

I finally went to see my counsellor for an official weigh in and here are my updated stats:

16th March 2010: 94.5kgs/208lbs
1st February 2011: 71.7kgs/158lbs (3.2kgs/7lbs higher than my lowest weight last year of 68.5kgs/151lbs)
Total weight loss to date: 23kgs/50lbs
Total weight left to lose to reach goal: 16.7kgs/38lbs

I know that I've done my health a great service by dropping that 23kgs/5olbs from my frame and I feel phenomenal with it gone. I would now love to lose that last 16.7kgs/38lbs. by June and I really think I can do it with a bit more attention to my food and exercise routine.

Whoever said blogging was easy???

2011-01-07T14:43:00.002Z

My my it has been a long time hasn't it?

Well for my first (and hopefully not last) post for 2011 thought I'd share a few goals I'd love to achieve this year.

First, I had a pretty good year in 2010 with weight loss but between family visits and the holiday celebrations, I have been gaining and losing the same couple of kgs. for the past few months. Have now re-established my customary routine and am looking forward to shedding my remaining weight and reach my goal of 55kgs. this year.

Secondly, I have resurrected my inner minimalism. My husband and I live and work in a small flat and what with personal effects, books, art materials and college paperwork we have been feeling simply suffocated lately. Even though we aren't big shoppers, we've just accumulated too much stuff over the years and so much of it we just don't need. So on Monday we began a GREAT PURGE. Our general goal is to sell, donate, give away, recycle or bin everything we don't need (haven't used in the past 6 months) or love and to digitalise whatever we can and get rid of the hard copies. Whatever survives the GREAT PURGE has to have a comfortable home. Nothing can be on the floor except the furniture and every surface has to be clear save the choice piece of art or decoration. We're about 1/4 way through this massive undertaking and have already made about £200 from selling just a few things on line. More than anything though I feel this incredible sense of freedom, lightness and clearheadedness.

Thirdly in keeping with my desire to reduce waste and consumption, my new goal for acquiring stuff is that I will only buy what I absolutely need and if I see something I don't need but I absolutely love, I have to wait for 30 days before I can buy it. If I still want it after 30 days then I can have it, IF I find a comfortable home for it in our apartment and IF I pay cash.

Which brings me to my fourth and final goal, this year I want to see if I can live without using credit cards. I have cut up my joint credit cards with my husband and have frozen my personal credit card. This means I'll have to use my debit card or PayPal for online purchases if and when I make them. Can't wait to see how all this works out.

2010-10-15T12:17:00.008+01:00

So I'm back ... I hope. I had a looooooovely summer and a long post-summer blue period.

My oldest sister who lives in New York and my mum who lives in Barbados came to visit and it was just like old time. James and I took them to Devon where his family had rented a cottage for part of the summer and we had a lovely visit there with them for a few days before heading back to London. Dee then took Mummy off to Paris and Barcelona for two weeks and when they got back we spend another few days together exploring London and shopping before Dee had to fly back to New York. I begged her to quit her job and stay, but she just looked at me as though I had two heads and went off back to her life. The upside was that I had my Mummy all to myself then, and boy did we have a blast ... a revolving door of chatting, sightseeing, shopping, eating and then off to Istanbul, Turkey for more of the same.

Much too soon it was time for her to return home and it was harder than ever to see her go after spending a month and a half with her. I tried the "why don't you move here and live with us" routine on her too and she too looked at me as though I had two heads and one was smaller and a different colour than the other. I don't know what's wrong with moi. I just want the days of mummy and me again. They weren't all a bundle of laughs mind you, but there was a certain sweetness and comfort to them. Adult life has its charms but .... oh well .... By the way don't you just love the black and white of mummy and me. I wish I had that dress and those shoes in my wardrobe now. She was such a looker, my mum. Could definitely give Betty Draper a run for her dinero.

James and I celebrated our 10th anniversary of togetherness and 1st wedding anniversary this week with a day of indulgence. We started with an fabulous exhibition at the V&A called Shadow Catchers and then moved on to a leisurely lunch at Hibiscus, then on to the Tate Britain for a look at the work of the artists nominated for this year's Turner prize. The highlight of the day for me though was getting our very first fish pedicure at Aqua Sheko. I must admit that seeing and feeling those fish attacking my feet with such frenzy freaked me out much. The sensation is like having your feet tickled by a million popping bubbles. Once I got over that I was eventually able to relax and get into the experience and I gotta say those little buggers are very efficient. My Flintstone feet felt as smooth as silk at the end of the session. After the fish attack, we finished our evening at the cinema with popcorn and an action flick. It was a very lovely day.

Okay now to business. With all the action happening around here, I haven't been able to weigh in with my counsellor. I know I must have put on some weight because my clothes are tighter now than at the beginning of summer, but I'm not too bothered by this because I know I'll be able to drop it all again now that I'm back to regular programming.

2010-09-05T22:00:00.006+01:00

I'm still here and still focused on my weight loss/health goals, but my mother and sister have come to visit and I have been very busy playing hostess. It's nice having them here and we're having lots of fun.

Hope everyone out there is doing well and that you've all had a nice summer. I'll be back to regular writing, reading and commenting in a week or so. Looking forward!

Meanwhile, here's a little photo of me taken by my husband in a B&B in Devon a few weeks ago. Can you see my fake nose ring?

2010-08-02T19:32:00.007+01:00

Had my weigh in today and lost 3kgs./6.6lbs which brings my weight to 68.5kgs/151lbs. I feel great!!!

A couple of weeks ago I was given three awards. One by the beautiful Emilia of 238 and Shrinking and the other two by the ever so lovely Alexia of My Wicked Wicked Ways and equally gorgeous Miss Haneefa of Black Girl Gets Fit. I thought I'd combine answering them because they both require that I reveal 7/10 things about myself that you probably don't know. I really don't know if I can come up with that many things but I'm going to try.

1. I'm a licensed scuba diver.

2. The first boy I ever kissed was French :)

3. I got kicked out of a class in graduate school after I had an argument with a teacher and not only wouldn't back down but ended up calling him a "fascist pig" :(

4. This would be a good time to say that I'm a really positive, easy going and warm person but on the rare occasion if someone gets on my wrong side I don't care who they are, I'll rip their head off.

5. I love the sound of rain on a galvanised roof.

6. I make the best cheesecake ever.

7. I'm fluent in French.

8. I LOVE George Carlin. He is my soul brother and I was heartbroken when he died.

9. My husband made on of my dreams come true when he took me to see Barbra Streisand in concert when she was in London a few years ago.

10. I love people but at heart I'm an introvert and would rather spend time quietly at home than out socialising.

Okay, I'll pass along these awards by inviting you to share 5-10 things about yourself here if you feel like it.

2010-07-23T12:11:00.009+01:00

I've been having a very busy summer. First with summer school, both teaching and taking classes, and then visiting my Dad in Dresden (Germany) where he's on his penultimate assignment with FIFA before retirement.

Beautiful city, Dresden is. It has rebuilt itself from the ashes of total destruction in WWII and subsequent Soviet occupation to become an elegant, vibrant city with a very high quality of life. This was my second time visiting my Dad there and the first with my husband. Lots of walking, visits to churches, museums, galleries, a FAB opera house and sitting in cafes chatting and people watching. Happily I was able to sample the delicious Saxon cuisine without going overboard, which I am really really pleased about.

At my last weigh in I had dropped a further 2.5kgs (around 5lbs) to bring my weight to 71.5kgs/158lbs.

In other news I have started a vegetable and herb gardening venture on my patio. I got a bunch of seeds and am attempting to grow lettuce, tomatoes, sweet peppers, dill, basil, parsley, etc. I think I've started a little late in the season, but we'll see how things go.

I see from my comments, I've won a few awards during my absence. Thank you to everyone who has given me an award. I will be around to your blogs today to thank you personally and will honour the suggested guidelines in my next post. Meanwhile, I was tagged by Journey Beyond Survival a while ago and the question was:

What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
First this is a ridiculous amount of money, more in my opinion than any one human being needs or should have, so I would have to give most of it away.

Bank 100 million and plan to live off the interest
Give 5 million to each family member, 2.5 million each to my friends and 1 - 1/2 million to random people who I know are having a hard time = 100 million approximately
Select 10 - 20 issues I feel strongly about and finance their improvement = 800 million approximately.
That's it.
Ditto

What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

2010-07-01T04:44:00.002+01:00

It 4:44am. A new day has begun and I haven't gone to bed yet. I've been up trying to complete my end of term paperwork for all my classes. Finally it's all done and I can go to bed if only for two and a half hours. I need to be at work by 10am and I have to leave enough time to get in my exercise and food prep and to walk to the tube.

Before I go to bed though, I just wanted to jump on here and say a great big thanks to all of you who read and/or comment here. Your comments really brighten my day and make this very difficult journey easier. I especially want to thank Journey Beyond Survival for tagging me. I'll leave answering your question: What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire? for my next post.

I'd also like to thank Lynda at Taking Less Space for selecting me for her first ever Taking Less Space giveaway. What a lovely lovely surprise!!! All this love makes up for my not having lost any weight this week ... as a matter of fact not only did I not lose any weight but, quite bizarrely the scale read exactly the same as it did last week. How odd is that??? I did get some really fantastic news on another front though. I went to the doctor to have my blood pressure checked and it has come way down from the high readings I got before I started losing weight. I'm now high normal, which means I still have a ways to go to get it back to normal, but I'm so happy it's moving in the right direction.

Well, I'm off to bed. Will catch up with everyone tomorrow ... ummmm ... later today that is!!! Definitely looking forward to reading what you've all been up to.

2010-06-22T01:00:00.001+01:00

Quote of the week:

"Losing weight is 80% mental and 20% physical. Most people spend a great deal of time debating which diet is best and arguing the merits that distinguish one plan from another. Not enough time however is spent training the brain to take on one of life's toughest journeys."
Dr. Ian K. Smith

I came across this quote this weekend and it made me think about how our conscious and unconscious thought patterns control our lives far more than we tend to acknowledge. Before I met my husband 11 years ago this March, I had really catastrophic taste in men. I attracted and selected men who were to varying degrees emotional cripples. After many failed relationships I began to fear that I would never have a healthy romantic relationship.

Around this time I stumbled across a book on relationships that caught my attention. The main point I took away from it was that I needed to make an exhaustive list of all the qualities I wanted in a mate and then, accepting that no one is perfect, I was to reduce the list to about 6 or 7 absolutely essential qualities that I absolutely was not willing to live without - deal breakers I think the author called them. I don't remember if the author suggested this next step, but as I was also reading about affirmations at the time, I turned my selected qualities into an affirmation that looked like this:

I have a loving relationship with a black man who:
is Kind
is Emotionally available and accessible
has Integrity
is Bright
is financially responsible
has non materialistic values and life goals

Every morning for about six months I would read that affirmation out aloud. I kept dating duds though and was actually dating a dud when I met the man who was to become my husband.

Before starting Graduate School, I took a temp assignment at a investment bank on Wall Street to boost my income. I started working there the month after my husband had been transferred from the London branch of the same bank. We met in the kitchen where we were both making tea one day, introduced ourselves and went back to our desks. For the next few weeks or so we just said good morning as we passed each other, but one morning he was passing my desk while I was reading the newspaper and when he said good morning, I, caught up in the article I was reading, responded by saying something like, "this is so absolutely ridiculous." He stopped to find out what was "so absolutely ridiculous" and we ended up having a short rather nice chat.

Over the following six months or so we became rather good friends. I had no idea that he was romantically interested in me and when he told me I was a little shocked. Even though I liked him immensely and found him attractive, I hadn't though about him as a potential mate mostly because I was on the look out for a black man. Once he introduced the idea though, I realised that he did have all the qualities on my list except that he wasn't a black man, so I turned him down.

He was not to be deterred however and proceeded to wooed me consistently with kindness, a ready and compassionate ear, great conversation, flowers, chocolates, perfume, lunches, dinners, concerts, operas, ballet etc. One day while I was looking at my affirmations and cursing the universe for sending me the perfect man in the "wrong" colour, I realise that the universe had given me exactly what I'd asked for. My husband's (who I refer to in my posts by his second name) first initial is A and his last name is Blackman. The universe does have a sense of humour doesn't it? The rest, as they say, is history.

Long story short, I believe that the mind is the most powerful organ we possess and I know that if I can't use mine to change my internal relationship to food and exercise permanently, it won't matter how much weight I lose, I'll just put it right back on. I know this now as clearly as I know that the only way I could have attracted a man so radically different from the others I'd dated, was to sort out my thinking about what was important to me in a life partner.

***

Loss 1.3kgs/2.8lbs this week to bring my weight to 74.2kgs/163.6lbs. A total loss of 20.3kgs/45lbs. so far.

***

On another note, a Biggest Loser contestant, Kai Hibbard has been spilling the dirt about the show in violation of all the legal documents she signed to protect the show's "secrets". Hat Tip to: The Journey of a Weight Loss *ista.

Best Quote from this interview: The Biggest Loser isn't a weight loss camp that happens to be filmed for TV, it's a TV show that's made to look like a weight loss camp.

Is anyone surprised by Kai's revelations? Of course, the Biggest Loser is about making money for various corporations by using and abusing sick people in the name of "entertainment". I think one would have to be very naive about the machinations of corporations to think otherwise.

I won't go over all the points I made in my previous rant about the Biggest Loser, suffice to say that though I completely understand why someone who is dying from this illness called obesity would sign up for the show, and though I can appreciate that there are many aspects of the show that are inspiring, we "the civilised viewer" can't pretend that we are not enjoying the ill being humiliated and competing and suffering for their "cure" in a way that we would never ever tolerate or accept any other ill person - say a smoker who had developed lung cancer - being humiliated or suffering for their chance at a cure.

2010-06-16T15:07:00.010+01:00

It feels like ages since I've written here or been around to read everyone's blogs. Maybe it hasn't been that long in reality but it feels like I've lived a couple of life times since my last post.

Anyway, the lovely Peridot asked me in the comments last week how I manage to lose 1.8kgs in a week. Well, I only lost .5 kgs/about 1 lb. this week and I haven't changed anything much so who knows? I thought though that since I'm almost halfway to my goal, I'd take this moment to share my strategy as I promised back in March.

As some of you who've been on this journey with me for a while know, I've been struggling since January 2005 to lose weight I gained since I began to date my husband in 2000. It has mostly been 1 step forward and 3 backward for me until March of this year when I visited my doctor. I'd been avoiding her because in spite of her best efforts to help me, I'd put on about 12kgs/28lbs. between visits, instead of losing like I was supposed to. During that visit in March, the shock of an elevated blood pressure reading combined with reaching an all time high of 94.5 kgs=208lbs=almost 15 stone combined with a stern warning from my doctor, made me super motivated to do whatever I needed to do to lose the excess weight once and for all.

I chose to jump start my efforts with the Cambridge weight plan which was designed by a research scientist from Cambridge University, called Dr. Alan Howard in the 1980s. The plan which was approved by my doctor and administered by a counsellor, provided the simple, uncomplicated structure and approach that I needed to get me going. It really gave me the boost I needed to get my weight moving and helped me to develop a plan for eating that works for me.

Next, I chose exercise that was convenient and easy to fit into my day. That involved using the elliptical trainer which lives on my patio and walking instead of taking the bus or tube when I could. Since my elliptical trainer broke I've had to rely on walking alone for my exercise. I walk every day without exception and on average cover 8 kilometers/ 5 miles a day.

I've also been working on readjusting my mental attitude by listening to an audio version of the book The Beck Diet Solution. This is a six week programme which employs Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to address the challenges faced by people who have battled emotional eating and/or binging their entire life. I can't say enough good about this programme. It has helped me immensely to develop strategies to overcome self-sabotage.

I also use the audio CD version of Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin. Paul uses the power of suggestion (hypnosis) and positive thinking to help break the self-destructive patterns with food. He is a little smarmy for my taste, but I have found his strategies really helpful and do recommend him. I really like the audio books because I can listen to them while I walk and exercise.

Finally, I'm currently reading Thin for Life. The author interviewed 160 people who lost lots of weight and kept if off for years and condensed these interviews into 10 keys to success. A very inspiring book indeed that I also recommend.

The thing that has helped me the most though is probably my attitude. When I left the Doctors office back in March I realised that I was killing myself. I acknowledged that if that was my intention then I could continue merrily on my path but if I wanted to live then I needed to get really serious. I accepted then and there that if I wanted to be at a healthy weight and feel comfortable in my own body then I'd have to put my health before everything else in my life because without that I have nothing anyway. Putting my health first has meant that I've been giving the word "NO" a serious workout. This isn't always comfortable for me, but it's often the most self-nurturing thing I do for myself in any given day.

So that's what I've been doing to lose weight, overcome self-sabotage and promote a healthier lifestyle. This may or may not be helpful to someone out there but it's been my path and has certainly been working for me. Until it stops working, it's what I'll continue to do. Now it's time to start my visiting rounds and find out what everyone has been up to.

2010-06-08T11:45:00.011+01:00

This Week's Eureka Moment:

"If I want to lose weight and keep it off forever I have to learn to celebrate in different ways other than with food. If I keep celebrating with food, I'll put myself at risk for gaining weight and NO celebration is worth that!"
Dr. Judith Beck

Who knew walking could be so addictive??? I have been burning up the sidewalks all over London. I used to hobble along at a snail's pace being overtaken by little children and senior citizens with canes when I started walking back at the beginning of April, now I'm leaving scorch marks behind me. Even my 6'3 86kg/190lb husband has to work to keep up with me now. LMAO!!!

Since the elliptical broke, I've had to use walking as my main source of aerobic exercise. I walk everyday, NO exceptions!!! Even if I'm not planning to go out on weekends I put on my sneakers and off I go. I love those sneakers. since I bought them I haven't worn shoes. I live in those sneakers and even though this may sound a little crazy, I think they encourage me to walk and walk and walk. I actually started to run this weekend but I stopped myself after a few minutes, because I have osteoarthritis and don't want to stress my knees more than I need to right now.

Who knew walking could be so effective??? I lost 1.8kgs/3.9lbs this week which means bye bye wretched OBESITY, hello OVERWEIGHT!!!

World Cup fever is in the air and the English flag has been popping up here and there. I'm not a huge football fan myself but the two main men in my life - my husband and my dad - are, and when they get excited I pay attention

My husband nurtured dreams of being a footballer when he was a little boy, and my dad actually works for the North, Central and Caribbean Football Association (CONCACAF) as well as the International Football Federation, (FIFA) who are the organisers of the world cup. He has attended every world cup for as far back as I can remember and is now in South Africa for this one. This will be his last World Cup he claims. He is 74 and is just not up to flying around the world constantly and staying in this country and that for sometimes months at at time. Poor him!!!

Anyway, daddy sent me this amazing video and I just had to post it here. I don't know if you have to be a football fan to appreciate it but to my mind it is the most brilliantly executed short story of the amazing talent of some of the best players in the world right now and a real testimony to how much 'the beautiful game' means to millions of fans in every corner of the globe.

2010-06-01T20:40:00.004+01:00

I was coping with a lot last week and just didn't have the energy to blog. I'm coming to the end of a year long course I've been doing called the Post Graduate Certificate in Education (PGCE) and am swamped getting all the course work and a research paper completed in time, but more than this I've been experiencing lots of emotional turmoil.

I don't know if it's all the mind work I've been doing or if it's because I am following my food plan to the letter and not cocooning myself in any shape or form in the emotional blanket that food has been for me, but all sorts of stuff has been coming up for me lately which has been shattering my self-image.

Last week a little incident happened between my husband and I which made me realise how dependent I have become on him. I know that interdependence comes along with having relationships with others, and I do realise that in various stages of a relationship people may need to take turns being dependent on each other for various reasons, but that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is that along the road of our life together I, a bright capable able-bodied woman, have abandoned more and more of my autonomy and adulthood and retreating into a kind of infantilism, making my husband responsible for me on every level.

Being the loving supportive guy he is, he doesn't see it this way of course, but what's important is that "I" do. Over the past few years I've been sucking up all the air in our relationship with all sort of mini-crises, whingeing and whining. I've been so narcissistic and selfish that it frightens me. When and how did I become this person? I've completely been taking advantage of my husband's generosity and kindness and handicapping myself in the process. The thing is that I've never quite seen things this way before. When the scales fell from my eyes last week and I suddenly became aware of this state of affairs, I felt just devastated and disappointed in myself. I just wanted to bury my consciousness in a cheesecake ... or a chocolate cake or ... well you get the picture. That's the way I've always coped with anxiety, sadness, loneliness, bewilderment, depression, guilt, fear, etc. I assuage my anguish with sugar and thus avoid facing the challenges which engender emotional maturation. Sigh!!!

Well, I guess what matters is that I didn't retreat into the food this time. Actually, I didn't do anything at all. I was too shell shocked. I just lived with the awful feelings until they eventually passed. When they did I was able to think more clearly about my life and goals and make some plans for taking charge of my life again.

Has anyone been experiencing any such revelations and epiphanies on their weight loss journey? Please don't tell me I'm alone in this. It's like by putting down the excess calories, I've inadvertently unlocked some sort of internal Pandora's box and I'm kind of scared that there's more self-disillusioning stuff to come.

As for my weight, last week I lost 1.5kgs/3lbs and this week I lost 1.8kgs/4lbs. which brings me to 77.8kgs./171.6lbs. I'm just 1.1kg/2.6lbs away from leaving the category of obese and entering the category of overweight on the BMI scale. Can't believe how happy I am at the prospect of being overweight.

2010-05-18T07:29:00.010+01:00

So, yesterday I pledged allegiance to yet another country, this time it was to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. It was the loveliest of ceremonies and a very warm and gracious welcome into the fold!!! Now I'm as multi-national as those rotten corporations that pilfer the globe ... kinda horrible company to be in, right?

Anyway, yesterday's swearing in left me reflecting on the nature of "home" and national identity. I feel at home in Barbados, Paris, New York and London, yet when I'm in the UK people assume I'm American or Canadian(no one I've ever met here can differentiate between these two accents), in the USA they think I'm British, in France they think I'm continental African and in my birth place Barbados, they ask me where I'm from (even though my family swears my accent hasn't changed one iota).

We are educated and encouraged to put people into all sorts of little boxes which amount to a "us" and "them" kind of world, but in my experience most people don't fit neatly into their little boxes, simply because we are richer, more complexed and fascinating than any little box can ever accommodate. What do you think?

On to another topic ... do you ever feel that it's so unfair that you have to watch what you eat and exercise mucho just to achieve a body size you are happy with?

I used to feel that way all the time, but I've had a huge shift in my attitude (thanks I have to say to the mind work I've been doing). According to Dr. Beck the percentage of people who can eat anything they like and be naturally thin is quite small. Most people who are slender maintain their size because they move more and habitually watch what they eat. This was news to me. I though most thin people had the best of both worlds, meaning I thought they were eating with wild abandon and not really exercising but were remaining thin because of genetics. Then I thought back to all my slim relatives, friends and even my husband and I realised that she was right.

For example, my husband is tall and slender and I'm always telling him how much I envy him because he can eat whatever he likes and not put on weight, but the fact is that without consciously trying to, he doesn't overeat or eat a ton of sweet, fatty stuff on a daily basis. He eats a balanced breakfast, lunch and dinner (i.e. carbs, protein, fruit and vegetables) almost never snacks and only has a sweet treat occasionally. So theoretically thought he is not "on a diet" he actually eats as though he is. I can't believe I never noticed this.

Noticing it now made me realise that where I use to think there was genetic unfairness involved in body size differences, it's less to do with that and more to do with learning and maintaining healthy and self-responsible habits of diet and exercise. In other words if my husband ate the way I've been eating for years, he too would be overweight and come to think of it, he sometimes puts on a little weight (usually no more than 2kg/5lbs)when we go on a holiday because we're eating richer food, but drops back to his regular size within a week or two of coming back home because he goes back to his regular eating. In addition, in a normal day he walks far more than I use to. Where I was taking the bus at every opportunity, he would opt to walk instead.

This realisation has done wonders for my attitude to diet and exercise. That lingering sense of resentment of the "naturally thin" has dissipated and has been replaced by a more realistic understand of the reality of things. If I want to have Jennifer Aniston's body then I have to make Jennifer Aniston food and exercise choices ... maybe not a good example, I'm NOT eating baby food for anything ... and if I want to retain my Rubens body then I can go back to my old choices. It's really as simple as that. My choice!!!

Another .5kgs/1lb gone this week.

2010-05-12T12:41:00.009+01:00

Apart from the Paul McKenna tape that I'm using to help me sort out my thinking and behaviour around my "food, exercise, body, health issues," I'm also doing a wonderful cognitive therapy program called The Beck Diet Solution. I plan to review both these programs later in the year, but I just wanted to mention right now a great little exercise that I'm doing today which I absolutely love.

Over the past few week I've been working on my Hunger Scale. Which is something I really didn't know about until McKenna and Beck. To get more details on the Hunger Scale download this great pdf from MIT Medical: medweb.mit.edu/pdf/hunger_scale.pdf Anyway, I've been working on eating at 4 and stopping at 6 as opposed to my usual of eating at 1 and stopping at 8 or 9. Now I have an idea of what portions sizes put me at a 6, I'm working on strengthening my ability to stop at 6 when I'm in eating environments that I can't control, i.e. when I eat away from home. To do this I write down what I'm going to eat for the day and at each meal I put twice as much food on my plate as well as add a few other foods that are not on my plan but are tempting. Then with all these choices on my plate I have to select and eat only the food and quantities I've predetermined I'll be eating and leave the others.

The point of the exercise is to build up my "resistance muscle" as Beck calls it = my ability to resist eating foods just because they are offered to me, just because they are on my plate, just because they're available, just because they're free, just because .... I'm to repeat this exercise as often as I need to until I can say no consistently to treating myself like a human garbage. So far so good.

In other news, the resistance belt on my elliptical machine came off last week. :( My husband put it back on and tightened the thingies that hold it in place, but it came off again when I increased the resistance from level 1 to level 3 :( He's going to try fixing it again but is quite busy at the moment and just doesn't have the time.

In the absence of my elliptical I decided to get creative with my morning exercise and use the steps that lead to my kitchen for my work out. I figured, I'd just step up and down one step for 1/2 hour and swing my arms while holding some light weights. OMG!!! Killer workout!!! BUT left me with a pulled calf muscle :( So I've had to reduced my exercise routine to daily walks until the pain in my calf subsides, which it is just beginning to do.

Good thing though that I'd bought a new pair of running shoes last week before my calf injury. My current pair is about 8 years old and as I have osteoarthritis in my knees, I really wanted shoes designed for high impact will lots of cushioning to protect my knees as much as I can when I'm power walking. Who knew that buying running shoes was such a science? I went to this great little store in Camden Town and they did all sorts of tests on me including putting me on a treadmill and videoing my feet. I was in there for quite a while, but the end result is that I got a pair of great shoes (above) that make me feel like I'm floating on air.

Oh almost forgot. Lost 900grams/2lbs this week, so I'm now 81.2kgs/ 179lbs. Yay!!!

2010-05-05T14:32:00.005+01:00

Growing up in my family, I was an overweight kid surrounded by a mother and three older sisters who were thin and in my eyes beautiful. From the time I hit puberty, I began to developed an inferiority complex about my chubby body when I compared it to their slender ones and went to considerable lengths to make sure that they never saw me naked because I was so ashamed of being a fat ugly myopic duckling.

My closest friend in secondary school was about twice my size and she had none of the hang ups about her body that I had about mine. When I visited her she would change her clothes in front of me the way my sisters and mother did and not think twice about it. I was in awe of her complete lack of self-consciousness about the size and shape of her body.

I never grew out of those early feelings of physical inferiority, so when this self-improvement tape that I'm listening to (Paul McKenna's "I can make you Thin") to try to "fix my head", suggested that I do an exercise to make peace with my body as it is, I was all for it.

Just getting to the stage, however where I could look at myself in the mirror completely naked took lots of courage and actually doing the suggested exercise of telling the parts of my body I hate that I love them felt incredibly silly ... but after having been doing this for just a few days, I found myself thinking as I looked in the mirror this morning that I look like a brown Rubens nude. Obviously the though caught me by surprise, but it also made me feel ... beautiful just as I am. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm ready for a playboy spread or anything, but I was filled with such feelings of self-acceptance, that I blurted out to my husband over breakfast that maybe I was thinking that I wanted to start thinking about the idea of maybe walking around the house naked. He was all for the idea to say the least ... but who knows, maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and chalk the whole idea up to momentary insanity.

Anyway, weighed in today and lost 1.6kg./3.6lbs. Yay!!!

2010-05-03T21:54:00.005+01:00

First, a big thanks to all who left those wonderful comments on my post last week. It's so great to be part of a community of people who get so many of the issues surrounding weight loss.

Speaking of weight loss, I didn't go to my counselor to get weighed in today because it's a bank holiday here today and she's off duty. I thought I'd write my weekly post anyway and then try to write another short one on Wednesday when I get weighed.

I'm really happy to report that my water drinking routine is going spectacularly and as my buddy Sayre promised, I'm no longer spending all day in the toilet. It's a miracle folks, I don't know what my body is doing with the water but it isn't rushing straight from my mouth right through my pee pee hole any more ... which is a good thing because I was really starting to wonder how I could convince my doctor to let me have a catheter ... I mean I've got things to do, I just can't dedicate so much time to peeing.

Another little miracle is that I've been on my elliptical trainer for 30 minutes every morning since I last posted. Up until yesterday, the weather has been so lovely and I've been enjoying it out there. By the way, the photo above is the view from my elliptical . Confession: the reason it lives on the balcony is that our balcony is bigger than our apartment so that's the only place it can fit. Apart from the elliptical, I've also been walking between the tube and our apartment instead of taking the bus. Depending on which tube I take, that's either 3.7kilometers/2.3 miles or 1.7kilometers or 1.1 miles.

I'm so happy with these new habits I'm cultivating that I've created a little column in my sidebar specifically to record and celebrate my lifestyle changes.

2010-04-26T12:31:00.009+01:00

The thing about losing weight is that it brings along all sorts of little benefits, like increased mobility. Last week I went over to one of my students to demonstrate a technique. She was sitting and instead of dragging a chair up like I usually do, I spontaneously knelt down next to her AND got back up after I was done without the help of a crane. The thing is I didn't even realise that I'd done this until I was walking back to my desk and then I was well cuffed with myself!

Some of my colleagues have begun to notice my weight loss which brings along pluses and minuses. An obvious plus is that my efforts are paying off and my body is changing noticeably. A minus is that on two occasions when I've been asked what my goal weight is and given my answer. The people who have asked have freaked out, telling me that that's too low and launching into a mini lecture about why I shouldn't and couldn't possible go down to 55kgs=120lbs.

Firstly, I don't get why anyone would care what weight I decide I want to be, I mean to each her own, right? Secondly, it's not like 55kgs is bordering on anorexic ... and I didn't just pull the figure out of my ass. Based on the various weight height charts used by doctors and insurance companies, at 162.5cm = 5'3" my recommended weight is between 50-61kgs =111-135lbs. In addition, 55kgs was the weight I've felt the most comfortable at and all the doctors I've ever had, have agreed that it is a reasonable weight for me. Most importantly for me however, it is the weight range of women in my height range, who experience the lowest mortality. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd rather be in the group with the the lowest mortality rate that not. Now, I wasn't going to say all that as a response to the mini-lectures, because I just hate feeling like I need to justify myself to anyone. Instead, I smiled and nodded and changed the subject as soon as I possibly could. I think my strategy in the future if I'm ever asked that particular question again, will be to avoid giving a figure and simply say: 'that's in my doctor's hands'.

Anyway, on to more exciting things, I've been drinking my 3 liters (12 8oz cups) of water everyday. My little system of drinking just one cup in the hour, made things very manageable and made me realise that maybe I was struggling before because I was trying to drink too much at once. This isn't to say that I'm now a happy water drinker, it just means that for now I have found a satisfactory system that seems to be keeping me on track and my reward ... drum roll here please ... was to lose 2.2kgs = almost 5bls. this week. WOW!!! Guess my counsellor was right, I needed to drink more water. This means I've reached and surpassed my first weight goal to reach 85kgs. YAY!!!

My plan this week is to get on the elliptical for 1/2 hr M, W, F and continue walking 10,000 steps on T, Th and possibly S,S. My elliptical is on my balcony and it was so lovely this morning being outdoors in the fresh Spring air watching life return to the garden.

P.S. I'm now 84kgs = about 185lbs.

2010-04-19T18:55:00.007+01:00

Last week was a bit giddy for me. I don't know what got into me but I went on a bit of a shopping spree the entire week. Nothing huge - some shoes, audio books, costume jewelry, hair products, cosmetics, art magazines - but enough to put a small dent in my savings. :(

Now, I should say that I'm not a shopper. I go for months and months without buying anything, and my idea of hell is any High Street or any Mall anywhere, anytime ... so I have to put my momentary insanity down to spring fever or euphoria at seeing my weight finally going down consistently ~~or great sex~~ (ahem) or just general happiness in being alive. I dunno but what I do know is that I have to find another way to express my giddiness ... maybe it's time to up the exercise.

Got weighed in today and lost .8kgs = 1.7lbs. I'll take that!!! My counsellor was a little surprised that it wasn't more. She says I'm not drinking enough water and wants me to consume 3liters = 12 80z glasses daily. WHAT!!! At that quantity, I'll have to move into the toilet. Let me just say for the record, I HATE drinking water ... as a matter of fact I'm not big on liquids period. I know, I know we need water to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah .... Knowing that I need to drink it for my health and well being doesn't make it any easier to get it down my throat, okay? So now I've devised a new schedule just for water drinking. 1 cup on the hour for 12 hours. Sounds very good in theory, let's see if I can get through the week.

2010-04-12T19:33:00.003+01:00

Man let me tell you, I ♥ Spring!!! Winter in Britain is hard on a girl, especially a Caribbean girl like moi. All that dark and damp is enough to make me wish I could just go to sleep in October and not wake up until the first cherry blossom tree blooms in April ... humm ... that would be an excellent weight loss strategy as well.

Anyway, Spring has arrived ... no matter it is as cold as a witch's tit ... the days are lengthening, the sun is putting in an occasional appearance, the birds are singing, flowers are blooming everywhere and I've lost yet another kilo. Tell me, what more could a girl ask for?

This week, thanks to Rosa I dug my pedometer out of the back of the drawer, reset it and clipped it on. I set the goal for myself of walking no less than 5,000 steps everyday this week and am happy to say that I did that and much more most days. Meeting my goal did require that some days, like Saturday and Sunday when I wasn't planning to go anywhere, I actually had to take myself outside for a short walk just to get my 5,000 steps in. Made me realise quite how sedentary my life is. As the weather changes and I get lighter, I'm sure I'm going to be getting back into some of my old passions like tennis and tango and maybe I'll start kick boxing, something I've always wanted to try. We'll see. For now though I'm just glad that I've begun to get some gentle daily exercise.

2010-04-06T18:58:00.003+01:00

My brand new ... well more like 6 month old ... wedding band no longer fits. It flew off my finger and across the room this weekend. Luckily I was indoors and was able to retrieve it. I'll have to get a ring guard to make it stay on my hand or give up wearing it or ... does anyone have any suggestions?

Anyway, we spend Easter Sunday and Monday with my in-laws. Had a great time in general but had a bit of a wobble with my food. Still managed to lose 1 kilo (roughly 2lbs) which I'm really happy about. I'm slowly inching my way to my first goal, 85kgs. Really need to find new ways though to cope with social anxiety other than talking or eating too much.

2010-03-29T19:38:00.004+01:00

I've employed a new strategy in my battle to regain 55kgs. Warning: it's somewhat controversial and I'm not recommending it or saying it's the best or smartest strategy but of all the ones out there in the world to choose from, this is the one I've decided to invest my energy in.

I've dividing the losing of the weight and the maintaining of the weight into two separate categories.

Phase 1: With the help of my doctor I'm doing an extreme plan aimed at bringing my weight off sooner rather than later. I'm not going to talk about it yet because it's quite controversial, but I promise that I will share the details when and if I succeed in reaching 55kgs.

Phase 2: My doctor thinks phase 1 will help me lose weight, but she thinks that in order to keep it off I need to implement phase 2 which requires that I use my time during phase 1 to work on "fixing my head". Hmmmm!!! She is a big advocate of the idea that problems with diet/exercise start in the head and manifest in the body. So though she's helping me address the body directly, she's more concerned that I "fix my head" (as she puts it) and how does she propose I do this? Cognitive therapy and/or hypnosis are her recommendations. I'm game for anything that would protect me from regain if and when I lose so I'm investigating and will keep you posted.

For now though I have lost 5.5 kgs. over the past two weeks which is probably more than I've lost in the past 5 years. So far so good.

2010-03-24T10:10:00.004Z

So I've heard so much about the reality show The Biggest Loser, that I went on line, searched, found and watched most of Biggest Loser (America) Season 6 this weekend. WOW!!!

Being the person that I am, my first thought was, what a f***ing shame that people who have this illness called obesity are so desperate for help that they would surrender themselves to a show designed to entertain. It says everything about societal attitudes to obesity. that such a show even exists. Think about it, would we all be okay with a reality show which made entertainment out of doling out the curing for cancer, or lupus or leukemia to a few worthy participants? Maybe it's just me, but there's something a lot twisted about the whole thing.

Let me not be misunderstood, clearly lives are being saved and transformed by these shows and they provide an invaluable education for participants and viewers alike, but my question is, why do sick people have to put themselves on display to get help?

According to the American Journal of Medical Genetics, Obesity "is one of the leading causes of preventable death" and "has emerged as one of the most serious public health concerns in the 21st century." The National Obesity Forum in the UK says that "1.1 billion adults and 10% of children are now classified as overweight or obese." That folks is more than 1/6 of the world's population. The NOF says that obesity requires "careful clinical assessment to identify underlying factors and to allow coherent management" but "neither the medical management nor the societal preventive challenges are currently being met." So of course that leaves the ill and desperate vulnerable to every snake oil salesman who comes along peddling a cure.

I am happy for the people that have been able to manage their obesity and regain their health with the assistance of The Biggest Loser, and I for one did learn a lot by watching it, I just think it's a real shame that some of the best elements of the show aren't available to the 1.1 billion plus people whose lives are going to be prematurely shortened, through well run and efficient national health care systems.

2010-03-20T01:02:00.005Z

So where have I been? What have I been doing? Who knows?

All I can say for myself is that I didn't intend to stop blogging. It just kinda happened.

Anyway, I'm back. I'm fatter. And I'm ready once again to do something about it.

Btw. while I was away I got married to my bestest friend in the whole wide world, James. So just call me Mrs. B. if you please.

P.S. It was just a 2 second registry wedding with our two neighbours as witnesses and a 2 day, 1 night mini-moon in our favourite city Paris. No dress, flowers, photos or whatever else. How's that for minimalism?

2009-01-25T23:17:00.000Z

Awwwwww!!! Ain't love grand!!!

2009-01-15T16:27:00.002Z

I wonder if I would lose weight more easily if I were single and looking for love. Mind you I'd rather be fat and have my honey than be thin and without him ... if that were the choice, but it recently occurred to me that I was more motivated to be and stay slim when I was single and lonely and wanted to attract the opposite sex. Once I settled into my relationship however, I slowly began to put on weight and to compound things, I didn't concern myself with my growing girth because ... well ... I was happy in love and James didn't care about my weight gain like some of the men I'd dated before surely would have.

Obviously, I'm not suggesting that the only reason to be thin or stay thin is to gain or keep a man's love, nor am I making a comment about whether fat people are attractive or not, or worthy of love etc. I'm simply pondering where the steely determination and motivation that I once had to fight and conquer the fat demon, has gone.

Anyway, New Year!!! Plenty of opportunity to make headway towards 55kgs., and there's not better time to get started than the present, wouldn't you say?

2008-12-30T12:05:00.002Z

Hope everyone had a great Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, Winter Solstice, or whatever else people celebrate at this time of the year. We spent Christmas in England this year with James's family and had a wonderful time.

Have been trying to decide whether to continue blogging. The main purpose for starting this blog was to give me incentive to lose some weight. I thought a public forum would help to keep me motivated and on track. That certainly hasn't worked, though I have met lots of wonderful people in the process. I do think it is nice to be able to check in with others who are on the same path I'm on from time to time so maybe I'll limp along a little longer and see how things turn out.

Well, we're at the end of another year. Wow!!! How did that happen??? Can't believe how fast it went. Gosh!!! When I was a kid time dragged, now it flies.

Many thanks to all my faithful readers ... all 2 of you ... ;P and a very Happy 2009!!!

2008-12-07T21:58:00.003Z

View from my Elliptical Trainer

I can't believe that the last time I blogged was in October. Where has the time flown? Life has been very good, but I think I've lost the plot weight loss wise. I haven't gained or loss any weight really ... I'm just where I always am - STUCK.

I really think there is something wrong with my body in spite of the fact that my blood work shows nothing, because since January 2005 I have been on a mission to lose weight with 0 to little success. No matter how much effort I've put in, the results I get fall so short that I eventually lose momentum. I'm not ready to accept that I'll be obese for the rest of my life but ... I'm short on hope right now.

I was happy to discover another wonderful weight loss buddy Tracy and found this interesting fill-in exercise on her blog, so I though what the heck.

I give myself permission to fail.
Buying and decorating our Christmas tree is one thing I really looking forward to right now.
If I could change one thing about someone I love I'd give my third sister the courage to be introspect.
I spent the day reading today.
Tomorrow I plan to exercise, write and start a new project that I've been planning for a while.
This week is going to be a lot of fun because I'm on vacation from college and can spend all my time working in my studio.
I feel fortunate.
Spending time alone with my honey doting on me is one of my favourite things.
I want to lose weight.
One of my best memories is driving from New York to Montreal with my honey when we were just good friends.

2008-10-20T10:06:00.005+01:00

Weight Gained this Week +.6kgs/+1.3lbs

Prague was great. In exploring the city we walked an average of 16 kilometers/10 miles everyday. Love my pedometer. My food wasn't too bad. I tried to eat consciously and when I wanted to try a sweet I shared it with James. I did end up gaining .6kilos but I'm sure that'll disappear now that I'm back to regular programming.

Now for some titbits about my trip and some photos. Prague is an elegant city built around the Vltava River which I believe runs through the entire Czech Republic. Its architecture combines several periods tastefully and seamlessly.

***

For the most part, Prague is a pedestrian friendly city with a comprehensive tram system that provides an eco-friendly method of mass transport dating back to the country's communist era.

Prague also has an excellent underground train system which gets high points for being clean, paying attention to design and providing functioning computer terminals where passengers can check location of restaurants, hotels, famous landmarks etc. in a number of languages. How cool is that?

***

The role of Catholicism in the city's history and culture is manifest in the plethora of beautiful Baroque and Gothic churches to be found everywhere.

and in the many religious statues to be found lining the famous Charles Bridge.

***

Random sightings: Didn't know there was such a thing as Cannabis Vodka. What a combination and for all you "shots" people out there, why don't you try a couple of Absinthe shots and see how long you'll live.

***

Visited the Lennon Wall where in the 1980s, young Czechs painted a portrait of John Lennon and began to fill the wall with John Lennon-inspired graffiti and lyrics from the Beatles songs. This was a source of immense irritation for the government during the communist era as each time they re-painted the wall it would be filled once again by poems, lyrics, and flowers a few days later. The original portrait of Lennon has been long lost under layers of paint and though there are still a few obvious messages and symbols of peace, the wall seems mostly to be used by Anglophone tourists in a type of "Mike from Liverpool was here" and "Julie loves Ricky" fashion. Pity!!!

***

How lovely is this money? Made me want to collect it, not spend it.

***

The thing I liked the most about Prague was the art particularly the sculpture which was really rich and varied. When this piece was the first thing to greet me as I exited the arrival hall at the airport, I knew I was going to like Prague.

One of two Clash of the Titans sculptures that flank the entrance of Prague Castle

Sculpture on a building called "House of the Black Madonna"

Cool Art Deco relief on the wall of a building in Staro Mesto

Temporary installation at the Kempa Museum by a group of young Italian artists called The Cracking Art Group.

Jiří Sozanský, Brainwashing, 1981-2, Permanent collection Kampa Museum

This monument to the victims of communism is by Czech sculptor Olbram Zoubek and architects Jan Kerel and Zdenek Hoelzel. It's difficult to see the whole thing clearly here, but it consists of a receding line of statues, each representing different phases of disintegration. At first one part of the body is missing, than another and another until the figure seems to totally disappear into the void. Powerful stuff!!!

***

This astronomical clock was created in 1410. It is very beautiful but don't ask me what's going on because it's much too complicated for me to read. All I know is that the four figures besides the clock represent the fears and anxieties of 15th century Prague. From left to right there's Vanity with a mirror, Greed with his money bag, then comes death with an hour glass and a grin, and finally, 'pagan' invasion represented by a Turk.

Anyway, on the hour death rings a bell and inverts his hour glass and the 12 apostles parade past the windows above the clock (not pictured here) and nod to the crowd below ... well ... not exactly nod. At the end of the parade, a cock crows and the hour is rung.

Okay so this is the equivalent of a video game or MTV for the folks in the 15th century. Well, call me cynical and jaded but it didn't exactly rock my boat especially as we had to battle through a huge crowd no matter what time of day or night we went, just to catch a glimpse of the most overrated show in town.

***

On our last day we took a train out to the village of Kutná Hora. I love long distance train journeys. Once I settle in I feel like I could keep going until I reach the end of the earth.

I haven't seen such beautiful fall colours since our last trip to the New England area of the USA ... maybe 4 years ago.

The town of Kutná Hora owes its origin to the discovery of silver mines during the 13th century. From the 13th to 16th centuries the city competed with Prague economically, culturally and politically, but fell into decline when its mines closed and it was hit repeatedly by the plague. Today it is a charming little country town ...
with lots and lots of churches and

a great Czech restaurant which was like a mix between an English pub, an American diner and a high school cafeteria with a medieval like flavour.

The food was very very good. My consort got a big ole' 1/2 liter of beer brewed on the premises and a traditional Czech dish of three different kinds of meat, potato pancakes, two different kinds of dumplings and two different kinds of sauerkraut.

***

Speaking of food, I discovered a wonderful Czech treat called the Trdelník.

It's essentially a bread roll, scented with slightly sweetened cinnamon, sprinkled with nuts, wound around these cylindrical rods and slowly toasted until brown on the outside.

Not earth shattering but yummy nonetheless!!!

***

It was a wonderful trip and I was sad when it was over. Thought I'd end with a sign I saw when going into the post office in Kutná Hora to get some stamps.

Don't know which pissed me off more, having to give up my ice-cream or my gun.

2008-10-07T09:31:00.003+01:00

Weight Loss this Week -.7kgs/-1.5lbs

This is just a quicky post because I don't have much time. Last week went very well indeed. I maintained my exercise and food sanity and recorded a satisfactory loss.

We are off to Prague, Czech Republic for a vacation this week to celebrate our 8th Anniversary of togetherness. Yeah!!! I intend to do a lot of walking (a minimum of 10,000 steps) and will wear my pedometer everyday so I can keep a record. Will also keep an eye on my food. Wouldn't want that to get out of hand, now would I?

2008-09-29T09:15:00.006+01:00

Weight Loss this Week -3kgs/-6.61lbs

I was able to sort my food out this week. Spending a few weeks recording what I ate without changing anything was very helpful. Breakfast was often fine but from there things would go downhill. Instead of having meals I would have sweet snacks. Why? Because they were quick and easy and of course I like them.

This week I made sure everyday I had a good filling breakfast (usually oatmeal with banana/apple, raisins and soymilk which is a big favourite of mine) and I replaced my sweet snacks with fruit. That worked really well for me. I didn't miss the sweet taste in my mouth and I felt quite satisfied. This week I will work on my lunch.

I'm still exercising and weighting myself everyday. I've decided to write what the scale registers here every Monday.

We had a lovely weekend. We went to an area of southwest London called Richmond -upon-Thames and walked along the Thames for about 8 miles. It was one of those rare Autumn days, sunny crisp beautiful.

Life is Good!!!

2008-09-18T13:47:00.004+01:00

Just to clarify something in my last post. When I said that I had read somewhere that you have to do something 17 time for it to become a habit, I didn't mean that I had been exercising just 17 times. I started my new regime of exercising 5 days a week on the 7th July right after I had my first appointment with my wonderful new doctor and have not missed a day since then. So this is week 11 and today is day 54 and going strong.

I've been weighing myself everyday for the past week (which is new) and writing down everything I eat (which is not new) without trying to control what I eat (which is new).
Result No 1: I've taken the sting out of the scale. I get on it every morning after I wee and I record the number and I move on with my day. Of course the number is too high and I need to bring it down, but for now I'm grateful that I can weight myself emotionlessly. That in itself is a major breakthrough.
Result No 2: My diet consists mostly of sugar. Left to my own devices I will have Smarties for breakfast, Florentines for lunch and M&M for dinner and the fruit and vegetables will rot in the fridge ... not because I don't like fruit and vegetables you understand,but because I prefer Florentines ;( and probably disease and death.

As I might have mentioned my doctor recommended two strategies to deal with this issue, one of which includes hypnosis. I didn't vibe with the Hypnotist she recommended and she was rather expensive as well. I might try to find and interview some others and/or try a Paul McKenna tape that Barb over at Not Finished Just Yet mentioned worked well for her. Or I could try the other method my Dr. suggested that sounds just too hokey to talk about (even if I can see the logic of it).

So anyway life marches on ... the 'global' banking crisis is a little disconcerting. What will happen next? Perhaps we should keep our money under out beds ... or do like my grandmother did, tie it up in her bra. LOL!!! Unlike my grandmother I never seem to have any money on my person. We tend to use credit cards for everything, but we pay them off at the end of every month. My honey would burst a gasket if we ever paid even the smallest finance charge.

My classes have begun and I just love my students. They are such a wonderful mix and I know it's going to be a fabulous term.

Now if I could just lose some weight ....

2008-09-08T21:43:00.002+01:00

After weeks ... months of being too terrified to face the scale I finally weighed myself yesterday. The number was horrible as expected after all the months of unchecked eating.

I've decided to try weighing myself everyday for awhile. I need to get over my terror of the scale and start seeing it as a useful reality checking tool. The idea is not to become obsessed but just to become more aware of how my body's weight fluctuates from day to day in relation to what I eat and my physical activity.

My food is not great but it is definitely getting better.

I'm still doing my stretching, weights and cross trainer for an hour 5 days a week. I read somewhere that you need to do something 17 times before it becomes a habit. I don't know if this is true but exercising is becoming more automatic and less of the tooth pulling struggle it was.

I've noticed some physical benefits as well which I feel good about. e.g. my thighs, arms and torso are looking less lumpy and more smooth and I am becoming more limber and flexible. During the Olympics, I saw the divers bending over and place their palms flat on the ground in front of them in preparation for a handstand and I wanted to be able to do that ... the flat palms not the handstand ... though that would be nice one day too. Anyway, every morning I stretch I try to get my palms closer to the ground and this morning I succeeded in touching it. This made me feel really good.

I started work at the college this week, not teaching yet just meetings and student advisement sessions. I'm really looking forward to this school year. I'm teaching a few new classes that should be a lot of fun ... for me anyway ;P

2008-09-01T12:33:00.002+01:00

My niece returned to Barbados on Saturday after what has been a really great visit. When she comes to visit we always do the kind of things that we would never do on our own (like visiting the Science Museum, painting with glitter glue or seeing Kung Fu Panda for instance) and I always make really interesting discoveries. I guess one of the +s of having a child is that she/he gives one permission to be a bit of a child again oneself. Definitely a good thing. Anyway, I was really sad to see her go and am experiencing a bit of what must be a mild case of empty nest syndrome. LOL!!!

On the other hand, boy is it loooovely to have my space back again and what was the first thing I did? Indulged in a great huge dose of me-ness. I stayed in bed allllllllllll freaking day on Sunday ... snoozing, listening to the sound of silence, reading, chatting, snoozing, reading ... and boy was that a DELICIOUS experience.

Autumn is already in the air here, which is really a strange thing to feel since summer never came. While everyone north of the equator has been talking about heat, we've seen the sun probably a total of 5 days for the entire summer and I never got the chance to take our goose down feather duvet off the bed. It's hard to face the prospect of the short, cold, grey, damp days of winter when all you've had is a cold, grey, damp, sunless summer. My poor niece thought she was experiencing winter. When I explained that it was actually summer and that winter gets much colder, she just stared at me in disbelief.

My honey has been shortlisted for another literary prize here, but unfortunately he will be withdrawing himself from the list because it's a prize for unpublished writers and now that he has a publishing contract he's no longer eligible. Pity.

My food has been just horrid but I have managed to keep my exercise routine going. I have now been exercising 5 days a week for 8 weeks. My goals for September are to continue with my exercise routine and start dealing with the food issues.

2008-08-21T10:52:00.003+01:00

With my niece here, the only thing that I have been able to do related to weight loss is my daily morning exercise. This is no small thing (I'm still not loving it, but it's now part of my morning routine which I really wanted it to become and want it to stay) but it is not enough if I want to bring my weight down. I AM stress eating and my food is all over the place.

Over the past three weeks that my 8 year old niece has been visiting me, my days have been consumed with caring for her. She is a bright beautiful curious energetic child and I am really happy to have this time to get to know her better and introducing her to all sorts of new things, but as wonderful as she is and as much as I adore her, I could not imagine being her or anyone else's parent day in day out, year after year after year. It is much too ... well, draining.

This is the biggest problem I have with motherhood. To be a good mother, I think, one has to be prepared to surrender a good part of one's personhood, personal space, time and energy. How on earth do people do that? I need extended periods of alone time to think, dream, ruminate, plan, BE. Without this time I could not function, could not maintain my sanity. Without it I would quickly suffocate and die.

Having my niece here reminds me of just how much I am not cut out for motherhood. This is something that I've always pretty much known about myself. I don't hate kids mind you (though I have to admit I tend to prefer child free zone on any form of public transport or socialising) but bringing a life into the world and being responsible for its emotional, spiritual, physical and social development and well-being is mind bogglingly terrifying to me.

Parenting a child has got to be the most challenging and important job one can ever do in one's life and I am definitely not up for it.

2008-08-09T13:05:00.002+01:00

Another week of exercise under my belt. YEAH!!! I haven't exercised like this in years and years, not since I was a healthy weight. Though I'm not exactly feeling love, the overwhelming resistance and resentment I felt when I started is now gone.

Now that I've got my exercise routine on track, I want to start to tackle my food issues. My sugar addiction has been raging. When I told my doctor this week what I've been doing, she almost fell off her seat. I am hesitant to talk about my issues with sugar with people who are not addicts because they just don't get it. Everyone gets alcoholism, drug addiction and nicotine addiction. They understand that one drink for an alcoholic is deadly, that smoking will kill and that drugs are an absolute no no, but few people understand that with a sugar addict one bite of a sugary substance can lead to days, weeks, months, years of life threatening binging. Thank God she got it. Among the things my doctor suggested was hypnosis. I don't know much about hypnosis but Sayre from Finding my Inner, Thinner Person mentioned that it worked for her in helping her kick the smoking habit. Perhaps it will work for me in helping me kick my sugar addiction. God knows I'm willing. I would love to be in the place where the very though of anything sweet leaves me nauseous.

2008-08-02T21:46:00.003+01:00

View From My Elliptical Trainer

I can't believe that I have now completed Week Four of exercising 1 hour 5 mornings a week. It hasn't been fun but it has gotten easier and I feel a great sense of accomplishment.

In the beginning I had a tendency of moving really slowly in level one on the elliptical trainer, but then I got myself a heart rate monitor and that has been very useful in helping me monitor the intensity level of my exercise so that I am exercising within my particular aerobic or anaerobic zones. I've also been doing interval training which I much prefer to simple aerobic exercise.

I noticed this week that I had to work harder just to get my heart rate into the bottom of my aerobic zone (which means that my heart is getting stronger) and that I was able to do my reps with the weights much more easily.

Next I have to work on my food which comes and goes and has mostly been going this week.

On another note my 8 year old niece arrived from Barbados this week to spend August with us. My Dad was supposed to bring her on his way to China for the Olympics, but his company had to route him through Los Angeles instead of London so we had to use the British Airways' special service for children travelling alone. I thought she would freak out a little but she was completely unphased by the experience.

2008-07-25T17:39:00.003+01:00

I'm really excited to report that my honey has won a literary prize for unpublished writers which apart from receiving a nice fat check means that he will have one of his four book manuscripts published next year.

We went to the award ceremony yesterday for all the short listed writers and it was very nerve wrecking waiting for the winner to be announced. They were 11 writers short listed from hundred of entries all hoping to win the prize. The MC started by introducing/announcing the runners up from no. 11 and moving forward. Idiot that I am sometimes, I got a little lost with what was happening and when they got to the 2nd runner up and my honey's name hadn't been called, I felt so sad for him and was thinking that I was going to have to do a lot of consoling and shoring up when we got home. I was therefore completely caught off-guard when they actually announced him as the winner. We were the only two people in the room sitting (cowering to one side of the room is more accurate) during the awards, so poor bloke had to struggle to his shaky feet and try to propel himself through a ton of people.

He gave a really lovely acceptance speech talking about always wanting to be a writer and having given up a lot for his dream and how gratifying it was to finally be recognised. It was a really amazing moment.

I am especially proud of him because we've been together for a good part of his journey and I know how hard he works. Here's a little synopsis of his story, after he graduated from Oxford with a very impractical history degree he knew he wanted to write as a career but wasn't sure how to go about it and needed to start earning money, so he took a job with Citigroup, which trained him to be a corporate banker and after a couple of years in London transferred him to Citigroup's Wall Street office in New York.

This is where we met and clicked because among other things we were both creative types who were out of place in that environment. I actually was just passing through on my way to graduate school and encouraged him to chuck banking and do the one year masters in Journalism at Columbia University. He eventually did it and that turned out to be a fantastic program for him because it got him into the discipline and habit of writing.

When he graduated he went to work for the Wall Street Journal. He loved working with them but financial writing was not exactly what he had been yearning to do and during his third year with them, he would get up at 5am every morning and write for two hours before he went to work. Doing this he finished his first novel in a little more than a year. After that he decided that he wanted to dedicate himself to writing fiction. We moved back to London and he took a job as a temp working three 12 hour shifts a week and using the remaining four days of the week to write and send out his writing to try to get it published.

Like all writers, actors, artists he has known some serious rejection and I know many times he looked at the downward trajectory of his life from corporate banker to temp and felt like a victim of his own delusions but he kept his head down and pressed on and now he is at the beginning of what I hope will be a long and fruitful career for him.

I won't tell you much about his book here but if I'm still blogging when it comes out next year, I'll definitely announce it.

2008-07-24T13:08:00.003+01:00

Ok, so I HATE exercise. I really really really do.

After that conversation I had with my new doctor a few weeks back, I reached a deeper level of acceptance regarding the role exercise plays in maintaining good health and staving off certain lifestyle illnesses but that didn't make me more eager to exercise though of course it did light a fire under my ass.

When I was looking at the best place to fit exercising into my day, it was clear to me that my problem with exercise was not that I lacked the time to do it, but rather that I lacked the will and that lack of will manifests itself in start stop start stop behaviour.

Now having said this I know it is possible for me to exercise consistently because when I maintained a healthy weight over a 10 year period, I used to run for 1/2 hour 5 days a week and that worked really well for me. Now I can't run anymore because my knees can't take the pounding but I'm now trying to make exercise as non-negotiable as I did back then.

The way I'm trying to think of it is the same way I approach my other self care rituals like brushing my teeth, showering etc. I don't do these things because I like them, I do them because my parents taught me to do them when I was very young and they became a habit before I knew how important they were. Just as I would no more think about leaving home without brushing my teeth, I'm working to make exercise a thing I wouldn't think of starting my day without doing first.

I am now moving towards the end of week three of my new exercise regime. Some mornings, like this one, it takes superhuman strength for me not to blow off exercising, but I do notice that every time I don't give in to this impulse, it makes blowing it off the next morning less likely.

2008-07-23T12:09:00.004+01:00

This is not a swan song by any means, but I have not been at all motivated to blog for quite a while now. Whenever I think of blogging, I just experience it as a drag, which contrasts greatly to when I first began to blog. Then I was a very enthusiastic blogger and commenter.

I thought blogging was going to be the magic weight loss bullet, that my fear of public failure would help to keep me motivated in losing the weight. Well I am coming up next month on the one year anniversary of having started this blog and I am almost in the same place I started in. So much for that idea.

The only reason I haven't just given up the whole blogging thing is because I've met such really wonderful people from around the globe and feel like I'm part of a loose knit community of people who are all struggling to achieve the same goals: weight loss and better health. I want to keep that communication going and I fear that if I stop blogging, I'll stop reading blogs as well and lose connection with all the great people I've gotten to know. So I press on and hopefully will be blogging more than once a week again.

So what's going on for me today? I'm really HATING being overweight. It makes me feel less than. I have been trying to lose weight on and off since January 2005 and haven't gotten pass 179lbs./81kgs before I go back to the 190s. While I was on the elliptical trainer this morning I was wondering what all the years of obesity and yo-yoing have done to my health. I wonder if my inability to be responsible with my diet and exercise has shortened my life span. I wonder if I will ever lose weight or if by my yo-yoing I've locked my body into some sort of weight loss purgatory. I know that I have not been consistent in my weight loss efforts but, when I am consistent I seem to reap minuscule results which simply demoralise me.

2008-07-16T17:08:00.002+01:00

Thank you all for checking in on me and for all your wonderful supportive comments. Sorry I've been away for so long. I taught my last class for summer school yesterday and now I am FREE from teaching until mid-September!!! Yeah!!! I love teaching but I also LOVE my breaks from it.

Now I can focus exclusively on working in my studio for the next two weeks until my niece arrives on the 30th August to spend a month with me. She's been coming to visit me during the summer since she was 5 (she's now 8) and I love having her.

Things have been going really well on the food and exercise front. I have been working out consistently for about 1 hour 5 days a week doing a combination of stretching, weights and the elliptical trainer. I'm trying to make that hour of exercise at the beginning of my day as non-negotiable as my daily meditation and so far so good. My food was a little rocky at the beginning of the month but things settled down last week and I now have a good rhythm going there as well. I haven't gotten on the scale recently but I love the way my clothes are fitting again.

Well that's all for now, I'm off to do some visiting since it has been way too long since I've visited my favourite blogs.

2008-07-03T13:25:00.003+01:00

I have just had an appointment with the nicest, kindest, most compassionate, most caring, most efficient, most beautiful doctor I have even met in my life. LOL!!! REALLY!!!

As mentioned before I have been very angry and bitter about my health care. I have a great dentist and eye doctor but have had seen a bunch of cold, incompetent, 'I don't know a fuck and don't give a fuck about you' doctors since we moved to the UK. I kept trying to find a better one in my catchment area, but each was actually worse than the one before.

Then last week, as mentioned in a couple of posts back, I got a recommendation at that weight management meeting I went to and immediately made an appointment for today. I went along this morning. First the receptionist who registered me was warm and friendly, which for me was a good sign since down to the last woman, at all the other practices the desk staff were cold and awful. Then the nurse that did my intake was also warm and friendly ... ohhhh ... I'm on a roll I thought. But none of that could prepare me for this doctor...when my appointment came up, I was escorted upstairs into Dr. W's office.

The minute I entered, she made eye contact, smiled, got up, walked from behind her desk came to me introduced herself and welcomed me. I was floored since the most I've ever gotten in the past is a terse good morning from behind a computer. On top of her warmth and courtesy, she was drop dead gorgeous. She is originally from Greece, is probably in her mid 40s, is about my height but very slim, had a beautiful head of short thick dark glossy hair, a beautiful face and complexion and was dressed like one of the characters from Sex and the City. Not inappropriate, just trendy and hottttt!!! I SWEAR I am not making this up. The overall effect was so stunning that I just blurted out, "oh my God you are SO beautiful and you look amazing!!!

Anyway, she allowed me to talk about all my concerns and issues regarding my health and weight, addressed each one in turn. She examined me physically, ordered blood work, told me she would be in touch if my blood work turned up any red flags and asked me to make an appointment to see her in a month. I have had good doctors before, mostly in the USA, but this woman is head and shoulders above anyone I've ever met. She was caring and compassionate in her response to me, firm when she needed to be, gave me good solid information and has positioned herself as my advocate and support in relation to my weight loss efforts. I was so relieved to find a doctor who cared and was so overwhelmed by her thoroughness, efficiency and compassion that I actually burst into tears towards the end of our session and thanked her a million times before I got out the door. Poor woman, I'm sure she now thinks I'm a basket case ... which come to think about it may not be far from the truth.

Anyway, I now feel so much more confident about my health and am actually optimistic that eventually I will beat this disease of obesity and have a fighting chance of avoiding heart disease, hypertension, diabetes etc.

2008-07-01T13:29:00.002+01:00

I got on the scale this morning and I was 85kgs. That's up 5kgs from when I last weighed two months ago. Yikeees!!! NOT GOOD!!! Nevertheless, I'm not going to get on the pity pot. I'm moving on.

Taking into consideration my lifestyle, I've restructured my food to have my heaviest meal in the morning, a moderate lunch and light portable dinner. My exercise routine for now consists of stretching, light weights and the elliptical for half an hour 5 days a week. I'm also going to weigh myself once a week ... every Tuesday morning. Maybe this will keep me more focused.

On y va!!!

2008-06-26T21:34:00.004+01:00

I've been having a great last couple of days with my food and exercise on track. I'm really giving thought to the things the workshop facilitator talked about regarding lifestyle changes, as I try to figure out what my short term goals are going to be. I think I've been approaching food all wrong. A structured food plan might have worked very well for me in the past but I'm a different person now and I need to think about how I can deal with food differently.

I'm also rethinking my approach to exercise. Instead of just trying to motivate myself to jump on the elliptical trainer every morning, I'm thinking of a goal I can work towards relating to my fitness level which would motivate me. I have some ideas but I'll have to wait until the weekend to research them.

2008-06-24T16:02:00.003+01:00

I went to the weight management group at my local library and it was really really good. The facilitator was fantastic. She talked about how important it was to look at weight loss as a lifestyle change. I have heard this tons of time but what does it really mean? Well, she encouraged the group not to focus exclusively on making changes to our food and exercise but also to look at other areas of our life that need to be managed, areas that may be affecting our ability to achieve our weight and health goals. I though this was brilliant because it's often stuff that has nothing to do with food or exercise that destroy my efforts.

We were also encouraged to start out with a long term goal (we know mine is to achieve and maintain 55kgs.) and then make short term goals that we can achieve day by day week by week that will lead to our long term goal. We were all given a little packet with among other things a sheet to record our goals and indicate whether we've met them or not. We meet once a month, weight and talk about our success and challenges and the facilitator gives us tips and suggestions on how to move ourselves forward. In between the meetings there is email support. There is also a free low impact and two free walking groups which come along with participating.

I think I'm going to try this and see how it works out. The facilitator really gave me some great tips on how to get myself moving more and has helped me to look at my goals differently.

By the way, yesterday and today are fantastic foodwise. I've been doing my own version of a cleanse and my body is thanking me. Also got back on the elliptical trainer. Yeah!!!

Another benefit of going to the meeting is that I got a recommendation for a new GP from two of the women in the meeting. I have been positively bitter about my experiences with doctors since we moved to this area almost two years ago. Hopeful this change will be the start of something new and wonderful.

2008-06-23T13:21:00.004+01:00

I can't believe how long I have stayed away from this blog and your blogs. My goals are the same though: To Return to My Ideal Weight of 55kgs. I've gotten mighty distracted over the past two months though. Yikees!!!

My food has been rather 'rich' and I haven't been exercising so undoubtedly I've regained some weight though I don't know how much because you know how much I hate to face the scale. I am still wearing my UK 14 trousers but it isn't loose like it was a few months ago.

Nevertheless, it's time to move forward again, so here I am. I've planned a nice easy week focused on detoxing and cleansing and 1/2 hr daily on my elliptical trainer. James brought home a brochure from the local library advertising a free weight care programme and support group. I might check it out. We'll see ....

2008-06-06T16:42:00.005+01:00

I haven't been back to New York since I moved to London with my James a few years ago. At the time of our leaving I had had enough of New York and was happy to move on, but you can't really live in a place for a significant length of time without it becoming a part of you and you a part of it and over the past few years I've been quite nostalgic for certain aspects of my New York life.

This New York visit was not nearly long enough for me to do all the things I wanted to do, but it was certainly a Fabulous trip. I:

chatted endlessly with my sister:

basked in the beautiful spring weather,

New York is at its most gorgeous in April and May and for my entire week there the sunshine was brilliant and the air cool and delicious.

marvelled at all the changes that had taken place during my absence,

There has been a lot of construction going on in New York since I was last here. Seems as though all the little pre-WWII 5 story walk ups and other buildings from the 40s are being replaced by luxury apartments which only the very rich can afford. A very good hospital used to stand in this spot just 3 years ago.

This brand new African Burial Ground Monument commemorates the story of the African Burial Ground, a 6 acre cemetery for free and enslaved Africans dating back to the 17th and 18th century, which only came to light in 1991 during excavation of the site for a new federal building.

New bus stops with seats and new electric bus. 5 stars!!!

indulged in my favourite New York treats (with moderation I should add, no blow out binges for me),

I'd been dreaming of a good old fashion New York diner breakfast for a long time. So I stopped off at the Mansion Diner and Oh My God: THEY'VE RENOVATED. Same layout but brand spanking new everything. It was so early I had the place to myself.

Sorry, but you haven't had a Bagel until you have had a New York Bagel!

So many to choose from!!!

treated my tired and calloused feet to a deep massage and pedicure,

What's a visit to New York without a pedicure. New York has more nail care places per square block than any other city in USA or Europe. I've been going to this tiny one around the corner from my apartment for years.

Ahhh! Now I'm ready to paint the town.

took some long walks down memory lane,

This is the first place I lived when I moved to New York ... well the second if you count the few months I lived in my friend P's grandmother's basement apartment until I got myself set up.

I woke up at dawn on Memorial Day and took a walk through Carl Schultz Park which borders the East River. I used to start my morning with a jog along this river at sunrise for many years. It is such a beautiful and peaceful place.

Citigroup on Wall Street, where James and I met 9 years ago.

Brooklyn Bridge as seen from South Street Seaport, where we spent many an evening after work eating ice cream, chatting and watching the sun set.

James old apartment building in Battery Park City.

savoured all the things that make New York so New York,

Ah, the New York City Subway!!!

I just love New York townhouses better known as brownstones. I used to fantasise about owning one before I realised I'd need to be a millionare.

Harlem, one of the most important social and cultural centers of African life in America.

That dot in the distance is Lady Liberty herself !!!

The Chrysler Building is just spectacular, day or night!!!

Love this sculpture!!!

This one too!!!

Look, there's still debris in his briefcase from when the World Trade Center fell around him!!!

This photo by an old teacher of mine Jeff Mermelstein shows the same statue above in the aftermath of the WTC disaster.

caught a terrific exhibition at the Studio Museum of Harlem called Flow. It showcased the work of emerging artists from Africa,

saw an incredible performance of the New York City Ballet,

took advantage of the super strong ££££ to indulge in some retail therapy (which in my opinion could only really be considered therapy if I had a personal shopper do all my shopping for me),

went to the opening of an En Foco Exhibition,

and then ... all too soon it was time to say au revoir ...

Stay tuned for the next post when Nona discusses what she is doing to lose 25kgs before she turns 90 ....

2008-05-21T02:12:00.003+01:00

Oh right, I almost forgot. This is a weight loss blog. Huuummm!!! Still haven't been doing much about my weight loss goals ... just coasting along day after day eating whatever I feel like which invariably means that I eat breakfast and dinner and skip lunch. I'm going to New York on Thursday which doesn't bode well for my eating but does bode very well for my exercise.

Last of the Tunisian Photos

2008-05-18T21:21:00.029+01:00

It's been over a month since we got back from Tunisia and I still haven't posted the rest of the photos I promised. So here they are. Click each photo if you want a better view.

Accommodation - As mentioned James and I stayed in locally owned accommodations which all had their own personalities. Here are my top 6 favourites:

This is a room in a funduq. Funduqs were a common feature of medieval Islamic cities, and are usually composed of at least two floors of rooms arranged around a central courtyard. They provided traveling merchants with accommodation and storage space for goods and animals. This funduq was located in Houmt Souq on the island of Djerba.

A troglodyte dwelling is essentially a cave. To survive the intense summer temperatures of Southern Tunisia, the Berber learnt to create dwellings under the earth where they were able to stay cool. I'm prone to claustrophobia and was a little freaked out at the idea of sleeping underground, but the troglodytes were really well designed and cozy and I actually enjoyed the experience.

We stayed in the hotel built under this boardwalk in the seaside town of Monastir. Every room looked out over the Mediterranean ocean.

We returned to Monastir on our way back to Tunis and stayed in another hotel where our windows and balcony looked out over the marina.

These were our beds in the Bedouin tent in the oasis of Ksar Guilane in the Sahara. The tent was amazingly well insulated which was a good thing because the temperature at night felt more like the South Pole than the Sahara. I wish I'd taken a picture of the outside.

Ruins

Tunisia is filled with the vestiges of the various civilizations that invaded, colonised and mingled with the indigenous Berber population over 2 mellenia.

The Phoenicians (modern day Lebanese), the Romans, the Ottomans (one area of modern day Turkey), the Byzantines (another area of modern day Turkey), the Arabs, and last of all the French have all left they mark on Tunisia.

As mentioned before the Arabs are responsible for much of the wonderful architecture to be found throughout Tunisia, such as this monument to the first President of independent Tunisia, Habib Bourguiba.

and the French built all the Nouvelle Villes like this one already shown.

Of all the ancient civilisations it is the Romans that have left the most indelible mark on Tunisia. The Northern part of Tunisia is littered with Roman ruins. Just driving along we would stumble upon disembodied columns or arches like this one below.

Here is a sampling of some of the Roman ruins we visited:

The town of Bulla Regia

An arch in the town of Haidra

Coliseum El Gem

The tunnel Gladiators walked through on their way to meet their deaths. Gives new meaning to the saying 'I can see the light at then end of the tunnel'.

Dougga

Roman Road in the town of Dougga

Temple

Romans created amazing mosaics to adorn their floors. Many of these can still be seen at the various ruins but most now reside in the Bardo Museum in Tunis which is considered to contain the best Roman mosaics in the world.

Carthage

All that is left of the ancient Phoenician city of Carthage which reached it's height in the 9th century BC before it was invaded and destroyed by Rome which in turn built a new Carthage on it's ruins.

Part of a mosaic which tells the story of Ulysses. Here Ulysses is bound to the mass of his ship so he cannot respond to the call of the sirens.

These two columns to be found in the Great Mosque of Kairouan were recycled from one of the many roman ruins around the country.

Culture/Miscellaneous
Just a collection of random things I found interesting:

One of the most beautiful things I have ever heard in my life was the sound of the Koran being spoken melodically (sounds like singing but technically it is not) from this mosque. We were walking back to our hotel after dinner one night when the Muezzin (the person who issues the call for prayer) began and it stopped us dead in our tracks. It was so incredibly soulful and beautiful that even though I didn't understand the words, I understand the meaning in such an intensely visceral way that it made me weep.

Okay I know how to read it and what it means, but how do I say it?

Cow head or entrails anyone?

Graffiti Art

These dried chili peppers are used to make harissa, a red hot paste which is used as a condiment and/or as an ingredient in Tunisian cuisine.

Look up can offer such wonderful surprises.

Now that's what I call a bus stop.

I could do a whole photo essay on the benches of the world. It is incredible how much variety can be found in such a simple functional public object.

Probably as many donkeys as they are cars in Tunisia.

Now who knew that cork grows on trees? I didn't. Actually, I never though about it until we visited this cork forest. The cork has been removed from most of the bark of this cork oak tree, leaving some cork bark only towards the top. Apparently, a cork oak must be at least 25 years old before its bark can be harvested. Its cork can then be stripped every 8 to 14 years after that for as long as the tree lives.

Traditional Berber ankle bracelets and wooden shoes shown on a mannequin. I guess they're designed to keep women from running away.

This guy is wearing a traditional Berber garment called a Jalaba.

Almost every town has some sort of sculpture at it's entrance and exit. I though this one was really lovely.

This was one at the exit of the desert town Douz.

Camels are a much loved motif in Southern Tunisia.

Need I say more?

Tunisia has an amazing system of well kept roads. But the drivers are insane. Here is an example of the kind of craziness that needs to be monitored by someone.

The plaza at night in Houmt Souq.

Craftsman working patiently to embed silver in this carpet comb.

The Great Mosque of Kairouan is the oldest Muslim place of prayer in North Africa and is commonly regarded as the fourth holiest site in IslamafterMecca, Medina and Jerusalem.

This Bedouin instrument sounds a little like a bagpipe. It is made from gazelle skin and various horns.

Public transport taking the Bedouine to the oasis town of Douz 100 kilometers away.

Say what????

Would also be interesting to do a series of photos on the various animals one is warned to look out for on the highways from one country to the next.

So when can we move in?

2008-05-13T22:58:00.005+01:00

Lately, I haven't felt like blogging. Can't explain why. Every time I thought about writing it just felt like too much effort. It hasn't helped that I have been super busy.

I quickly found out though, that not blogging poses a danger to my staying on track. My food, exercise and water intake have been patchy ... sometimes disastrous and obviously I haven't been happy with that.

On the other hand, I have been feeling quite happy with my life. Last week the sun began to shine in London and the weather turned warm and balmy. London is the kind of city that needs the sun. It transforms the place ... somewhat.

James and I did some spring cleaning and spring planting on Saturday, had a friend over on Sunday and it was so beautiful we were able to have our lunch out on the patio.

This morning I did half and hour on the elliptical trainer and then lifted some free weights. Think I'll begin to post my food again starting tomorrow.

Thanks to you all for your kind words and encouragement. I will press on as must you.

Day of Reckoning

2008-04-30T09:35:00.008+01:00

Okay, so I've come to the end of my 8 month program and it is time to assess my successes and failures.

Behaviour
I have succeeded to some degree in modifying my eating, water in take and exercising habits and I am grateful for that. I see though that I find it extremely difficult to maintain momentum. This of course is not some great discovery. It's what people struggling with losing weight run aground on all the time.

Results
I am pleased that I have lost weight and cm on my body. I tend to see greater changes in the way my clothes fit than on the scale. I am disappointed though that my inconsistency meant that I spent more time stalled or backtracking than losing.

27^th August	30^th April	Total Lost
Weight - 90kgs.	Weight - 79.8	10.2 kgs
Bust - 112cm	Bust - 106cm	6 cm
Waist - 95cm	Waist - 86cm	9 cm
Hips - 113cm	Hips - 107cm	6 cm

Photos of my body are always hard for me to look at. Too much reality!!! I don't see much difference between the before and after and that is very disappointing. I mean ... I guess I look a little less like an overstuffed blown up doll ready to bust out of her skin now but only a little. :(

Abnormalities

Yesterday, I saw an adult woman in the supermarket whose thighs were smaller than my arms. How is that POSSIBLE??? I wanted to take a picture of her thighs or just walk up to her and ask if she would mind if I measured the circumference of her thighs just to compare them to my freakishly large arms, but I had neither a camera nor a tape measure and she probably would have had me arrested for harassment or something anyway ... and I wouldn't blame her a bit.

The Present

I've learnt a lot over the pasts 8 months and I hope to apply some of that knowledge over the next 8 months as I try to achieve my goal of losing 24.8 kgs and achieve my goal weight of 55kgs. I am going to continue my focus on eating well, exercising, increasing my water intake and I'm going to add some vitamins supplements like flax meal and a few other things to support my body a little more.

Thanks for all your wonderful comments about the photos. I'll be posting my last batch of photos soon. Takes a long time to condense and edit.

Day 2

2008-04-25T07:39:00.006+01:00

Sorry I haven't been able to post over the last few days. Things have been a little hectic.

Anyway, my food has been good and so has my exercise. I walked 4.40miles/7 kilometers yesterday and 6.23miles/10 kilometers today. My water hasn't been as good but I'll make sure I drink enough today.

Well, here are some pictures of Tunisian landscapes, as promised. They are way too many but ....If you want to get a better view of something just click on the photo.

Tunisia has miles of coastline that flanks the Mediterranean sea. These photos are from various points along that coastline.

***

The two largest cities in Tunisia are Tunis (the capital) and the southern town Sfax. There are many mid-sized cities and many many small towns. Every large and mid-sized city is divided into two major areas: an old area called a Medina and a new city called a Nouvelle Ville.

A Medina is a walled city with large doors at each corner or side of the medina. They were built by the Arabs during their colonisation of Northern Africa as far back as the 9th century as protection from attack. The medina contains many narrow and maze like streets, tightly packed houses, palaces, mosques, market places etc. everything found in a city generally.This photo shows the medina wall on the left and homes on the right. The streets within a medina are normally very narrow and the homes very tightly packed.
Souks are shopping areas within the medinas. They are very interesting but very intense experiences as merchants compete so vigorously for one's attention that their behaviour borders on harrassment.

This photo of Sfax is an example of what the nouvelle villes look like. Nouvelle villes were built by the French when they colonised Tunisia in the 19th century.

***

The Northwest of Tunisia is very verdant and green. Reminded me a lot of England with it's soft rolling hills and fertile plains. This area is strongly agricultural.

This large flat topped mountain called Jugurtha's table found in the Central area of Tunisia. It got it's name from a local king who used it as a base during a 7 year battle against the invading Romans around 115 BC. It's sheer impregnable walls make it a natural fortress.

The only way up once you reach the base are by some precarious rough steps hacked into the side of the cliff. These allow you to climb to the top of the table. It was hell getting up them and I can't imagine how a whole village managed to live at the top for years. The hills of Algeria as viewed from the top of Jurgurtha's table.

Ruins of a village built at the top of Jugurtha's table.

***

One of the many mosques on the island of Djerba, located just off the South east coast of Tunisia. Djerba was featured in The Odyseey as the Land of the Lotus Eaters. It's also where the story of Ali Baba and his 40 wives originated.

***

The landscape of southern Tunisia is incredible dry, rocky and generally inhospitable. Considering this, it was amazing to see villages like this one perched on the hillsides.

The village of Chenini was carved into the stone of this mountain.

Door to one of the homes.

View from Chenini. One of the areas where Star Wars was filmed.

Terraced agriculture

Duiret is another town where the buildings are carved into the mountain.

View from the top of Duiret. No matter how poor the village, there's always a pristine white mosque.

***

Palmeries are incredibly wet and fertile areas found in the middle of the arid south. Many herbs, spices, vegetable and fruit trees thrive under the palm trees. Apart from dates which are harvested in August, Palm trees produce a juice called palm juice from April until ... We were fortunate enough to taste it. It's like nectar from the Gods.

Olive trees also grow in great abundance in the south. They seem to be able to grow under the harshest of conditions.

***

These beautiful buildings are called Ksour(plural) Ksar (singular). They were used for storing a village's grain supply.

The Berbers (original inhabitants of Tunisia) discovered that if they built their homes underground, they could stay cool during the periods of intense heat. These homes are called troglodyte homes. Again one of them was used in the filming of Star Wars. I think you can understand why.

***

Yikees!!! A sandstorm. Guess we were bound to experience one of these considering how much wind and sand there was around.

***

Chott is the word for lakes that stay dry through the hot season, but have some water in the winter. Chott el Jerid is largest of these kinds of lakes. Here James is a small speck in the vast river bed. Aparrently, this is another location where Star Wars was shot ... it's supposed to be where Luke contemplated the two moons .. James being a Star Wars fan wanted to re-enact the moment.

***

The Oasis town of Douz is knows as the Door to the Desert. When you leave here your heading for the Sahara.

Dunes reclaiming an ancient fort

On the road to the Oasis Ksar Ghilane

Contrary to popular belief most of the Sahara is not lovely sand dunes. Most of it is flat scrubby driness as below.

but when you get to the dunes, a fabulous reward ...

The sand is as fine as silk and when you try to hold it in your hand, it slips away like water. It even forms pattens like water ripples

This is a desert cafe ...

The Oasis has a great natural hot spring which comes in handy after a long day on a camel.

King of the Desert

Day 5

2008-04-22T11:22:00.001+01:00

One of the things I like most about travelling, is meeting new people, spending time with them and learning about their lives. This is easier in some places than others.

I found Tunisians among the warmest, most open and hospitable people I've ever met, and being fluent in French allowed us to communicate with them beyond the superficials.

Here are just a few of the people we spent time with who really made our trip special:

We met Noureddine, Kalthoum & Amenallah on our first day in Tunis, after we asked them the name of a beautiful building we were standing in front of. This lead to an extensive conversation after which they invited us to have dinner at their house. We exchanged contact details and promised to call when we returned to Tunis towards the end of our trip.

Noureddine is an electrical technician and Kalthoum a teacher. They cooked a delicious dinner of Tunisian dishes for us - Couscous, fish, salad, olives and fatima's fingers. Afterwards the men enjoyed the hookah and talked politics, while Kalthoum and I sipped a delicious mint tea and talked about our lives.

****

We ate at this little hole in the wall restaurant a couple of nights when in the town of El Kef. Monsieur Chebi is the cook and Madame Chebi the hostess. They have been running this restaurant for over 20 years and are just the sweetest couple. They took a real liking to me for some reason and our meals turned into 20 course (I exaggerate) affairs of free food. I tried to explain that I was on a diet but they wouldn't hear of it, so every time Madame turned away, I would dump a little of my food at a time onto James's plate. Madame Chebi made sure we left the restaurant each time with a bag of oranges which ended up lasted us the entire trip.

***

We met this lovely couple also in the town of El Kef. They live in Tunis but were on a mini-vacation. Laila is Tunisian and runs her own export and import business and Khalid is a Syrian diplomat. They were staying in the same hotel we were staying in and we met at the reception desk where we were both enquiring about dinner in the hotel's restaurant.

When we were told the restaurant was closed, Khalid immediately turned to James and I and said warmly that since we were both in the same boat i.e. hungry and looking for a dinner, we should go looking for a restaurant together. We were a little surprised but accepted and got into their car and went off to find a restaurant. As it turns out it was a holiday and most restaurants in the town were closed, but Laila found us a lovely restaurant with delicious food and then they insisted on paid the bill.

We had breakfast together the next morning and Laila bought me this traditional Berber trinket:

We met up with them when we got back to Tunis and Laila took us to the airport.

***

We met Neila in a cooperative where women learn various crafts. She has just graduated from college with a degree in finance and is learning to embroidery while looking for a full time job. She was quite fascinating and I had a good chat with her after which she asked James and I over to her house for dinner. We were leaving her town that afternoon so we had to decline. We did exchange contact details however so we've been staying in touch.

***

Two little kids who followed us half way up Jugurtha's table, real little mountain goats.

***

I met Sonia on our last day in Tunis. She runs the most gorgeous little boutique which sell really wonderful hand crafted jewelry and art pieces. I wish I'd had more time to chat with her, but I did buy this ring:

***

We only stopped in Douz for a couple of hours and while James went off to find something to eat I explored the town. I spent quite a long time chatting to Mohamed and his mother Fatima in their store. Fatima is a third generation carpet weaver and makes the most beautiful carpets. Here she is sitting on the floor of her shop adding finishing touches to one of her carpets.

***

Ibrahim and his wife Sula are from Niger, but are now living in Tunisia. Ibrahim is a Professor of Physics and Sula a housewife. She speaks 4 languages and he speaks 6 languages including Arabic, French and English. Not bad eh? I'm in the middle.

***

Every morning Mohammed wakes up at 5am to bake (or maybe I should say fry) bread for the camp. He is one of the group of Nomadic tribes that have now settled in this Oasis in the Sahara.

***

Our desert guide Mohtar

***

Had a great day. Had 2.3 ltrs of H2O and walked 8kilometers/5miles.

B
1 apple
160 g yogurt
120 g milk

L
60 g cheese
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing

D
120 g tofu
120 g beets
360 g salad
3 tbls dressing

Day 6

2008-04-21T21:41:00.021+01:00

One of the things I found quite remarkable about Tunisia was their doors. From the most humble dwelling to the most elaborate, businesses and homes alike, the doors were often spectacular.

As we crisscrossed the country we soon realised that the doors not only seem to reflect the personality or taste of the owner, but also the region of the country we were in.

In addition, many of the doors and windows in Tunisia are blue because Tunisians believe that the colour brings good luck and wards off evil.

Here are a few examples selected from various areas of the country, starting with one of my favourites:

In other news, food, exercise and water were great today. Starting yesterday, I set myself the goal of walking a minimum of 10,000 steps per day this week. I am pleased to say that yesterday I walked 14, 273 steps or a total of 9kilometers/5.63miles and today I walked 17, 370 steps for a total of 11kilometers/6.85miles.

In order to reach my goal I have been walking instead of taking the bus or getting off the bus early and completing my journey on foot. It looks as though it takes me about an hour to walk 10,000 steps, so I have to factor in extra time for travel. I'll do this for a week and see how it works out.

B
1 apple
60 g cheese

L
240 g yogurt
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing

D
120 g tofu
120 g beets
360 g salad
3 tbls dressing

H2O = 1.4 ltrs = 6 cups

Day 9

2008-04-18T12:00:00.014+01:00

A few days after I got back from Tunisia, I shaved my head ... well actually James shaved my head ... and seemed to get a really kick out of doing so.

Why did I have James shave my head? Well, there isn't really any one answer ... more like several answers.

Firstly, I got the idea from seeing pictures of different ethnic groups in African, where the women wore shaved heads and the men wore long dreadlocks ... COOOOL I though, an inversion of the Western norm ... I can dig that.

So, I tried it when I first lost weight many years ago and thought wow, this is so freeing, so practical, so low maintenance, so cost effective and ... ummm, it's a slightly androgynous look which I thought/think best describes me (This from the girl who just bought this HAVE TO HAVE stereotypical girly phone.)

Anyway, back to the point at hand. I guess the bottom line is I wear my hair like this when I feel best about myself and I'm feeling pretty good just about now ... It's spring ... not that you would know it from the weather in London (yes, it actually snowed last week), work's going well, I'm 10 kilos closer to my goal than I was last August, and I'm beginning to feel the kind of confidence in my body that I've only felt when I was thin.

I know that I promised photos from Tunisia, I've been quite busy with several projects and hadn't had the time to sort through the oodles of photographs from the trip.

Last night though I stayed up really late and was able to put them into some rough categories. So starting from Monday, in celebration of the last 7 days on my food and exercise plan that started back in August of last year, I'll write a post everyday and apart from food and exercise updates, I'll add some photos from my trip in the following categories and order:

*Tunisian Doors - They have the most remarkable doors I've ever seen
*People - Met such lovely people
*Landscape - Incredibly varied and beautiful
*Accommodations - Also incredibly varied
*Culture - Don't have nearly enough photos in this category but ...
*History - Very interesting ruins all over the country
*Miscellaneous - There's always a miscellaneous, isn't there?

Have a great weekend!!!

Day 19

2008-04-08T09:45:00.005+01:00

I'm back in London and settling into my routine again. We had a really lovely time in Tunisia and will be posting the highlights of our experience as soon as I upload and sort the photos.

One of the biggest lessons I learnt during my trip is that having fun doesn't have to be about eating. EUREKA!!! I had the most amazing time without binging my way through the whole experience. Another great lesson was ... I NEED TO GET MORE EXERCISE ... EUREKA!!! lOL!!! By the very nature of our journey, I was forced to walk a certain amount everyday (Average:5miles/8kilometers) and within the first week my trousers had loosed up considerably. Made me realise how sedentary my life in London is. Aside from Tango and Tennis which we begin again this week, and the elliptical which I went back to this morning, I need to find a way to move more in my daily life (more walking, less bus and train I guess). I understand much more now how much moving in the course of my day will help my health and weight loss efforts.

Anyway, I am happy to report that I have lost 2kgs/4.4lbs which brings my weight loss so far to 10kgs and puts me at 80kgs/176lbs. Oh Happy Day!!!

I have 19 more days in my weight loss program which started on 27th August 2007. I am nowhere near where I wanted to be ... where I though I would be ... but at least I'm not where I was at the end of August. I have had some loss and lots of stagnation, but I am very happy that the pants that I was wearing last August on my waist, now slips down and over my hips buttoned.

B
16 oz/470ml H2O
1 apple
210 g yogurt
15 g soynuts
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
16 oz/470ml H2O
60 g cheese
120g beets
240 g salad
1tbls dressing

D
16 oz/470ml H2O
120 g tofu
240 g mixed vegetables
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing

Exercise - 1/2 elliptical trainer
H2O - 64ounces/1.89liters

Day 24

2008-04-03T18:29:00.006+01:00

I have a rash all over my face, I was constipated for a week then had a severe bout of diarrhea and vomiting for one day, but I'm still standing and doing very well food and exercise wise (except for the day I was ill in bed, I've been clocking an average of 5miles/7kilometers per day) ... and I am having the time of of life.

Since I last wrote we have been visiting Southern Tunisia. Such a great contrast with the north. Where the north is lush and green with soft rolling hills and fertile valleys, the south is arid and inhospitable with bare jagged mountains of stone and scrubby vegetation. The Sahara was just incredible. Took my breath away. It was everything I'd dreamt it would be and more. Will definitely be returning there for a longer visit.

We spent the last few days in a gorgeous seaside town on the Mediterranean coast of Tunisia and are now heading back to Tunis where we will be winding down out trip and flying home to London.

When I get back I will write an email or two covering the highlights of our trip with photos.

Day 32

2008-03-28T21:31:00.006Z

We have now covered the North of Tunisia and are in the South making our way to the Sahara. So far the trip has been just amazing with many wonderful experiences. Will elaborate later.

My food and exercise continue to be excellent and I must say that food has now ceased to be a priority, which is a FIRST for me. Earlier in the week this was not the case. Each day we went into the supermarket, I was tortured by all the new sweets available that I'd never get to try. James refused to sample anymore stuff for me, so I found a unique way to channel my desire to sample everything.

I bought all the chocolates and sweets that I wanted to try and keep them in a big bag in the car and every time we stop in a village I treat the kids I meet to chocolates and sweets. The joy and suprise on their faces is quite priceless and their joy seems to satisfy and remove my desire for the sweets.

E.g. Today, we stopped at a crossroads to check our map and there were two of the cutest little children playing by the side of the road while their mother tended sheep in a field. I called them over and gave them some lollipops and they were so delighted they ran off to show their mother who waved at us. I will never forget that look in their eyes of such absolute surprise and delight. I have spend much of my life stuffing myself with sweets for one reason or another, but for so many children in this country, not to mention the world, sweets are a rare and precious treat.

Somehow being engaged with the life around me and enjoying the people and the country has displaced food as center stage in my life. I know it won't last but it is great while it does.

P.S. Sayre, my students came from Ethiopia, Somalia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Turkey, India (particularly Gujarar), Pakistan, Bangledesh, Serbia and Algeria. As you can see most are war torn countries and many of the women thought not all were refugees. I had a wonderful year with them and learnt a lot. They taught me about their countries, brought me dishes to sample (sometimes whole meals that fed James and I for days) and taught me many Arabic words. James and I went to Morroco last year (which was just FABULOUS) and are still deciding which country to tackle next year.

Day 37

2008-03-23T19:14:00.004Z

Yesterday I climbed Jugurtha's Table. I know it looks quite small in this photo I borrowed from some site on the web, but trust me it was a massive undertaking that almost killed me. Okay, so I exaggerate ... it just left me winded and exhausted with jumpy muscles but completely exhilarated that I'd attempted such a thing.

Of course the whole thing was James's idea. He loves heights as much as I hate them and wanted to go up. The nice thing about our relationship is that we push each other past our comfort zones frequently. I thought we were just going to see the darn thing and when he suggested we climb to the top I thought he was joking. Nevertheless, I agreed, we did it and I have to pictures from the top to prove it. My pedometer doesn't record steps or climbing just strides, but in addition to the climb to the top and back, we walked 7 miles = aound 11 kilometers yesterday. Not bad eh?

To answer your question Sayre, last year I did some volunteer work teaching English as a second language, to a group of women from various countries in the Muslim world. The women all had children going to a primary school in East London and the school dedicated a room for a few mornings a week for parents who wanted to learn English to have free classes. As the women and I became close, I learnt a great deal about them and their countries of origin, and developed a desire to know more. As James and I are enthusiastic globe trotters anyway, we decided to start covering some of the countries those women are from. Unfortunately the country we wanted to got to Algeria is not quite safe for Western travellers so we chose it's neighbour instead. I'll write a little more generally about Tunisia when I get back.

Anyway, today was the most trying day regarding food. We arrived in a new town this afternoon and stumbled across an amazing bakery. Of course I went in, drolled all over the pastries and talked poor James (who had little interest) into buying some so that I could live vicariously through him. They're pretty tiny so he'll taste each one and tell me what it's like. For those of you who did not know that I'm a very sick puppy, here's the evidence. LOL!!! With all the exercise and keeping on track with my food, my clothes have been loosening up plenty. Hopefully that's incentive enough to keep me on track.

Day 39

2008-03-21T19:27:00.002Z

We left Tunis on Wednesday morning after picking up our vehicle and have been touring the north western part of Tunisia. It is more beautiful than I can describe right now and there are surprisingly few tourists. This is the first time I've been anywhere that has had such few tourists from Europe and North America and so many from throughout the Muslim world ... and even they are few and far between.

Having been born in a place that makes its living from tourism and living in one that benefits heavily from tourism, I have to say that it is an incredibly refreshing experience to not have any and everything packaged for my 'entertainment' and 'comfort'.

This is not to say that Tunisia doesn't have that kind of tourism, because it does. It has fully exploited its coastal area in the North East of the country and created a 'Zone Touristique' complete with luxury hotels and spas etc.

The rest of Tunisia however, is what it is ... a take it or leave it experience. So far the north west has been an incredibly verdant and fertile landscape of soft rolling hills and plains where farmers till the land and tend their flocks of sheep and goats as they have for centuries. The area has an extensive network of roads that are as smooth as butter and connect even the most remote villages. Drivers dominate the roads and farmers and herders on donkeys dominate the shoulders of the roads… a great melding of modern and old. In fact, a wonderful melding of old and new best describes Tunisia. Everywhere the latest in western clothing is combined with traditional Berber clothing and the hijab; and contemporary Arabic and traditional Berber music mingle with the Muslim call to prayer.

I'm taking lots of photos but forgot my cable so can’t upload them until I get back home.

In other news, my food and exercise have been excellent. Haven't deviated by even an iota from my food plan. We go to the market every morning to buy cheese, yogurt, fruit and vegetables and alternate between those purchases and sampling the local cuisine. I have been walking an average of 5 miles every day (my pedometer is American and only gives distance in miles, but I think that’s about 7 or 8 kilometers.

Like people everywhere Tunisians encourage you to eat and eat, but every time I think of deviating from my food plan, I think of my very kind French sponsor who has been so supportive of me and I think of all of you guys and gals out there working to stay on track in your demanding lives and just keep saying, ‘La bar a kalow feek,’ which is ‘No thank you’ in Arabic.

I don’t have time to visit everyone tonight because my honey is waiting to go to dinner but the next time I find a café I will check everyone out. Thanks for your lovely comments and support. They keep me strong.

Day 42

2008-03-18T16:25:00.001Z

We made it to Tunis safely and are having a great day wandering around enjoying the souqs (markets) and sipping delicious mint teas in one of the many sidewalk cafes as we watch the world go by. Tunis is a really sophisticated city, very like any city to be found in southern Europe but with a strong arabic flavour of course. The weather is just FANTASTIC ... blue skies, briliant sunshine and cool breezes (around 24°C). The people are extremely warm and charming.

Tomorrow we pick up our vehicle bright and early and begin our grand tour of the country.

I have been having a very good eating day and so far have walked over 6 miles (this pedometer is great) and my feet feel like they have walked - miles.

Okay that's enough for today. The keyboards here are quite trick. I can't touch type because the letters are all in different places and the Roman alphabet shares the keyboard with the arabic alphabet, so I have to look at the keyboard and go really slowly. Arabic is very beautiful isn't it? ش بغخ جظصبش يبشيه عغت خيت سغ Like art to the untrained eye.

B
1 apple
60 g cheese

L
120 g sole (yummy)
240 g salad Tunisian (yummy)

D
60 g cheese
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
3 tbls olive oil

H2O - lots
Exercise - 15,668 steps so far

Day 43

2008-03-17T11:29:00.004Z

Just though I'd check in before we head to the airport. I want to stay on my food plan during this vacation in Tunisia and I'm aiming for a 1/2 - 1 hr power walk each day. Would be nice to register a loss when I return. Haven't had one of those for awhile.

The following song has been on my mind for some reason. I first became aware of Barbra S. when for some reason my mum took me to see A Star is Born when I was a wee lass. I sat there in the dark wide-eyed and amazed and from that day on I have had an obsession with Barbra S. that has bordered on psychotic. LOL!!! Well, maybe I exaggerate a tad. Never though I'd get to see her because she kept retiring but then she did a European tour last summer and my honey took me to see her. I though I'd died and gone to heaven. I wanted that concert to go on forever. It was a dream come true. In any case, I leave you with one of her many stellar performances.

Day 44

2008-03-16T11:50:00.002Z

School 's out!!! Yeah baby!!! Time to get up to mischief ... well, actually not quite yet. I still have a s_ _t load of paperwork to do. I'll try to get that finished this morning and then I have to clean up the house and pack and hopefully I can have an easy Monday morning before we fly out in the afternoon.

I've gotten some good exercise everyday this week, either on my elliptical trainer or brisk walking. I'm really seeing that if I add an extra 1/2 hr to my commuting time then I can incorporate a lot more walking. For example, instead of taking the bus to the tube, I can walk to the tube and that walk which would probably take me 1/2 hour would be a great way to increase my exercise on a daily basis.

In other news, it is so wonderful to see the buds appearing on some trees and opening on others. Someone has planted a magnolia tree in their garden at the front of the building. It's a saucer magnolia. The flowers bloom way before the tree even has any leaves and it always excites me to see the large pink petals appearing and opening up because it's one more signal that Spring is on it's way. Of course you wouldn't know that by the weather but I'm not complaining at least the days are longer.

Food for today:

B
16 oz/470ml H2O
60 g cheese
1 apple
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
120 g fish
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbs dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
210 g yogurt
15 g soy nuts
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
3 tbs dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

Day 47

2008-03-13T00:40:00.000Z

I'm exhausted tonight and just wanted to check in quickly before heading off to bed. Will write more tomorrow.

B
120 g cottage cheese
1 apple
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
60 g cheese
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
240 g yogurt
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
3 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

Exercise - Morre than 1 hour of hour brisk walking
H2O - 48 ounces/2.36liters

Day 48

2008-03-12T01:15:00.004Z

Last night, the students from my last class of the day took me to the pub for a drink. They were very pleased with the class and wanted to show their appreciation. Personally, I would have preferred if they'd showed their appreciation by buying me a yacht ... okay, okay, I'm just kidding ;P

It was a class I really enjoyed teaching and I was very happy that they'd enjoyed it as well. They felt they'd learned a lot and ended the class feeling enthusiastic and motivated.

They wanted me to drink the whole pub and I didn't want to drink anything. To begin with I'm not a drinker ... of anything except Plus (Barbadian drink) ... and I just don't get alcohol. I think it's highly over rated and right up there with among the worse tasting things on earth (though I have to admit that when I lived in France there were a couple of wines I tasted that I would classify as delicious).

Anyway, where was I? Right. On such occasions, I normally have a shandy which is a mixture of beer and lemonade (heavy on the lemonade, light on the beer) and not a bad drink at all, but my food plan doesn't do alcohol, so I was left to choose between seltzer and diet coke. :( I went for the diet coke and boy was it HORRID. Left a nasty aftertaste on my tongue. Uck!!! Anyway, I just focused on the conversation and had a really nice evening.

Have to get some travel stuff today for the trip. This probably falls under the category of tooooo much information, but check out this nifty little invention that I MUST have. Where was this for most of my life? LOL!!!

Pre-Breakfast
32 oz /940ml H2O

B
120 g cottage cheese
1 apple
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
180 g yogurt
15 g tvp
30 g w.g
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
120 g tempeh
240 g zucchini
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

Exercise - 1 hour brisk walking - 9,000 steps
H2O - 80 ounces/2.36liters

Day 49

2008-03-11T08:48:00.003Z

This video blew me away. It is a testimony to what one can do when one is seriously committed. It made me realise how much I have been pissing around over the past 7 months minus 46 days since I started my mission to lose weight and that makes me mad at myself.

It's one thing to talk the talk but another thing to walk the walk and I feel likeI'm coming out of a fog of denial or something and have to face the truth that if I don't develop some consistency where the food, water and exercise are concerned, I'm not going to get to my goal. I'm going to keep spinning my wheels in the mud. Yo-yoing between losing and regaining the same few kilos. So no more messing about and making excuses for me. The time is NOW.

Had a great work out on the elliptical this morning and had my water. It's a wonderful way to start the day out in the fresh air listening to the birds and watching nature come alive in the garden. Amazingly the 1/2 hr does fly while I'm communing with nature. We have a bunch of free weights sitting next to the elliptical out on the balcony and when we get back from Tunisia, I'm going to add them to my routine.

The woman in this video started weight watchers in February 2, 2002 at 222lbs//100kgs. and 12 months later in January, 2003 she had lost 102bls/46kgs. to weigh in at 120lbs/55kgs. at 5ft.3in/ 162.50cm (my height).

She has maintained her weight loss for 5 years by:
1. Continuing to stay on a food plan
2. Writing down her food everyday without fail
3. Exercising he butt off.

Watch and be inspired.

Lesson of the day, month, year, decade, century: CONSISTENCY IS KEY!!!

Pre-Breakfast
32 oz /940ml H2O

B
120 g cottage cheese
1 apple
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
120 g fish
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
240 g yogurt
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
3 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

Exercise - 1/2 hour on the elliptical trainer
H2O - 80 ounces/2.36liters

Day 50 - Happy Monday

2008-03-10T11:49:00.006Z

Monday is a great day to turn over a new leaf and this morning I decided to do something about the lack of exercise and water.

I started my day by downing a 16 oz/470ml glass of H2O. Then I did the elliptical trainer for 30 minutes = 1.26 miles/2km = 3065 aerobic steps. Then I downed another 16 oz/470ml H2O.

I am very pleased with myself ... as, I'm sure, are my kidneys and colon. Now I just have to make sure that I have 16 oz/470ml H2O with each meal and I would have met ... even exceeded my minimum water requirements goal for the day.

My food has been PERFECT for 45 days, which means each day I've been eating three weighted and measured meals of protein, fruit, vegetables and fat with nothing in between those meals except sugarless gum (as below).

This week I want to bring my exercise and water up to scratch , meaning I want to exercise 5 days this week for 30 minutes at a time. I want to wear my pedometer to monitor my steps and I want to drink at least 64 oz/1.9 liters per day. I'll be blogging everyday this week to record how I'm doing.

Here's what I'm eating today:

Pre-Breakfast
32 oz /940ml H2O

B
180 g yogurt
120 g milk
1 apple
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
120 g fish
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
60 g cheese
240 g courgette
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing
16 oz/470ml H2O

Exercise - 1/2 hour on the elliptical trainer
H2O - 80 ounces/2.36liters

Day 54

2008-03-06T13:57:00.003Z

Boy, time is sure flying. It's almost the end of term here and not a moment too soon. I often get really tired of the exchange involved in teaching after doing so for 10 weeks straight.

I actually have nothing to complain about though because I only teach part time and spend the rest of my time in my studio trying to create art ... an equally exhausting endeavour but a different exhaustion from teaching. Mind you the teaching exhaustion is a small price to pay for the experience of meeting and interacting with an ever changing array of fascinating people of all ages, nationalities, ethnicities and walks of life.

Anyway, my food continues to be great but still no exercise or water in sight. I really need to start making the effort but ... I'm busy ... yeah that's it ... I'm too busy to drink water ... not to mention exercise. LOL!!!

In other news my honey and I are flying to Tunisia (north Africa) next weekend for a three week vacation. We plan to cover Tunisia from stem to stern. I have been fascinated with the Sahara desert from the time I was a little girl and first saw pictures of it. Last year we went to Morocco (also north Africa) but did not get the chance to visit the desert. This year we plan to spend almost a week there. I'm salivating just thinking of it.

Here's what I'm eating today.
B
180 g yogurt
120 g milk
240 g pineapple

L
120 g tofu
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls oil

D
60 g cheese
240 g cabbage
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing

Day 60

2008-02-29T21:41:00.002Z

I've been quite busy this week and haven't been able to get on to my honey's computer to blog or visit.

I have been eating perfectly for over 30 days now and though I haven't been getting much exercise or drinking enough water, I feel really great.

I did weigh on the 27th January and weighed 82kgs/180lbs. I was quite surprised, I thought I would have weighed less. I now think it was a mistake not to have weighed in January when I started the program. Perhaps, I put on more weight at Christmas than I'd thought. In any case it is nice to be back to my pre-christmas weight and I can tell I've loss inches because I'm now wearing a UK14/US12 comfortably. I'll press on and try to increase my exercise and water in March.

Day 66

2008-02-23T00:40:00.002Z

Can't believe a week has gone since I wrote my last post. It has been a good week though a little busy. Food has been great, though exercise has been non-existent. :(

I'm just going to have a relaxing day at home today ... well a sort of relaxing day. I have a long list of things to do, which includes catching up with your blogs, writing cards and emails to friends, planning some trips and finishing a couple of novels. Should be a good day.

B
180 g yogurt
30 g soynuts & tvp
1 apple

L
60 g cheese
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing

D
180 g yogurt
30 g soynuts and tvp
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
1 tbls oil
2 tbls dressing

Day 71

2008-02-18T13:53:00.003Z

Man life is gooooood right now!!! LOL!!! And do you know why it is sooooooooo good? Because SPRING IS ON ITS WAY!!!

The downside of English weather is the damp and the short grey days in fall/winter, BUT the upside is definitely the lengthening days that accompany Spring and signal Summer. Okay, so they're not always long, warm sunny days, but I'm just glad they're long.

I have a few classes that end at 4 and 5pm and in January when I ended them it was pitch black outside. NOW, when I finish them it is grey outside, I can't tell you how HAPPY that makes me. This morning it was light grey at 7am and I smiled so hard I almost cracked my face. LOL!!! And during the day ... it has been sunny for the past three or four days. Can you imagine? I am just bouncing off the walls here.

Anyway, on to food issues. I have now been abstinent from carbs and sugars for 22 days. Yeah!!! But I have to admit here that I have not been exercising consistently: no tango, no tennis, very little elliptical trainer. Today, I will go for a long walk in the sun with my honey (he doesn't know this yet) and now that my mood has shifted it's time for me to get back to the things that I love because I've noticed that for me to really move my weight, it's not enough for me to eat well, I need lots of exercise ... well just 1/2 hr on the elliptical would help tremendously and I have no excuse since I have the elliptical trainer sitting on my patio overlooking the garden waiting for me to hop on.

B
1 apple
120 g yogurt
15 g tvp

L
60 g cheese
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
120 g fish
240 courgette
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Day 74

2008-02-15T11:24:00.002Z

Haven't had a chance to write or visit you much this week, but it has been a good week. Food has been PERFECT and I am so happy about that.

It makes me feel really good to write down what I'm having at the beginning of each day, tell my sponsor and then eat exactly what I've told her I'm going to eat.

My body feels light and clean, my mind clear and I feel more energetic. I'm not really surprised, because this is exactly what happened before when I lived on the GS food plan over a 5 year period. Not having carbs and sugars has a profound effect on my body and mind, pity I love them so much.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

B
1 apple
60 g cheese

L
120 g fish
30 g wheat germ
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
60 g cheese
240 beans
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Day 78

2008-02-11T23:23:00.000Z

When I got up this morning it was quite misty ... I love the mist ... takes the hard edge off the world and makes it seem so soft and romantic.

Well, I've been doing GS for two weeks today. I feel great and am happy that I've moved from a UK16 to 14. I'm tired of being fat. I just want to get rid of all this weight and have it done ... but of course it is never done ... is it?

B
240 g pineapple
240g soy milk
120 g yogurt

L
120 g tofu
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
120 g fish
240 broccoli
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Day 79

2008-02-10T22:25:00.000Z

Had a really nice day. It was my honey's birthday and I gave him breakfast in bed with a lovely peach rose in a vase on his tray along with his gift (a voucher for an art class). Then I baked him a pineapple upside-down cake which looked and smelled divine when it came out of the oven.

In the afternoon I took him to an art exhibition called Laughing in a Foreign Language at the Hayward Gallery. After that we walked to Chinatown for the celebration of the Chinese New Year. Of all the Chinatowns I've seen, I like London's Chinatown the most. It covers a tiny area, but it is really lovely and looked even more so decorated with red and gold lanterns for the New Year.

I got my honey a beautiful little red and gold dragon made from cardboard and paper - which he was quite amused by. We watched the fireworks (which were really loud and smoky but not very impressive) and then went to see a movie.

We saw No Country For Old Men. WOW!!! A very scary violent movie which kept me on the edge of my seat for the first hour and some, but delivered no climax and just seemed to peter out. I think I kind of understood the point the Coen Brothers film was trying to make but I'm not sure it worked for me. It wasn't a great movie but there were definitely some great moments in it. We decided to cancel our dinner reservation after the movie and just head back home and relax. I had my dinner and James had his birthday cake. He said it was deeeeeeeelicious. I wouldn't know because I didn't have any. Wasn't even tempted. Oh happy day!!!

B
240 g pineapple
30g milk
165 g yogurt
30 g soynuts

L
60 g cheese
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
60 g cheese
30 g wheatgerm
360 g salad
3 tbls. mayo

Day 80

2008-02-09T22:02:00.000Z

I was very excited today when I fit into a UK14/US12 trousers that I'd bought when I was on my way up in weight. It's nice to fit into it again on my way down.

B
1 apple
180 g yogurt
15 g soy nuts
15 g soy nut butter

L
60 g cheese
120 g beets
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
60 g cheese
240 g courgette
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing

Day 81

2008-02-08T21:51:00.000Z

B
1 apple
210 g yogurt
15 g tvp

L
60 g cheese
30 g wheat germ
240 g salad
1 tbls. dressing

D
60 g cheese
30 g wheat germ
360 g salad
1 tbls oil
2 tbls dressing

Day 82

2008-02-07T11:18:00.000Z

Think I'm coming down with something. I feel quite achey fluey. Uggghhh!!! Still I am on track with my food plan. I have been doing it for 11 days now and can feel my clothes loosing up which is always a good sign. I have not weighed since the 27th November. As many of you know I hate the scales, preferring to read other signs of weight loss or gain. With GSA I need to weigh once a month though and so I will be weighing on the 27th February come what may.

I was commenting on Tully's blog earlier that no matter what food plan I choose, the key for me is consistency and that is just what I keep tripping on each time.

One of the reasons, I've gone back to doing GSA isn't because I believe in their food plan exclusively (I think that as long as we eat less and exercise more we're bound to lose weight no matter what food plan we choose) rather it's because of the support it provides in staying the course. I know from past experience that only by consistently sticking to my food plan and exercise schedule will I achieve my goals of losing weight consistently and keeping my body in good health. Just for today, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help me reach my goals.

B
1 apple
180 g yogurt
30g soy grains
1/2 liter H2O

L
120 g tofu
120 g beetroot
240 g salad
1 tbls dressing

D
120 g tofu
240 g beans
360 g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls dressing

Day 83

2008-02-07T11:15:00.000Z

B
1 apple
210 g yogurt
15g soy grains
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tempeh
30g wheat germ
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
30g cheese
240 cabbage
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Day 84

2008-02-06T01:12:00.000Z

Well it's official my laptop is dead. :( I'm grieved. We've been together for 5 years and I was looking forward to at least a year more but it was not to be. She's gone and I'm so lost without her. I'm limping along with the help of my honey's laptop and those in the computer lab at the college. I'm grateful that I have these alternatives but they're not the same as having my own.

I hadn't budgeted for a new computer this year, but as luck would have it, I'm getting a nice tax return this year which I can put towards purchasing one. I'm thinking of getting this Mac Book Air, Mac's latest ultra cooool, ultra sleek, ultra thin portable. Yummy!!! We'll see ....

B
1 apple
210 g yogurt
15g soy grains
1/2 liter H2O

L
60g cheese
30g wheat germ
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120g fish
240 cabbage
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Day 85

2008-02-04T20:33:00.000Z

Everything is going swimmingly well I have to say. Quite a busy day today but a good one.

B
1 apple
180 g yogurt
15g soy grains
15g soy nut butter
1/2 liter H2O

L
60g cheese
30g wheat germ
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120g fish
240 broccoli
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 1 1/2 liters
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 86

2008-02-04T01:21:00.000Z

So I made it through a week on the GS food plan. Yeah!!! I have noticed how planning my meals and eating fresh fruit, veggies and healthy proteins always leaves me feeling physically better - clearer, more energised and more productive.

It is hard though because I have committed to not putting anything in my mouth without weighing and measuring it and I can't have even one drop of sugar or agave. I don't like artificial sweeteners so that leaves me with stevia if I want to sweeten my yogurt. I'm not wild about stevia because to me it has a bitter aftertaste but it's all I've got right now and at least it isn't toxic.

B
1 apple
180 g yogurt
30g soy grains
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tofu
120g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
60g cheese
240 cabbage
360g salad
1 tbls oil
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Day 87

2008-02-02T23:38:00.000Z

I am not much of a socialiser, preferring to stay at home and read a good book than go out. I've always loved reading particularly literary fiction, but find that over the past years I have been reading less and less of it and more and more socio-political and work-related books. This year I am determined to redress the imbalance and have made it a goal this year to read at least one non-work related book a week. So today, I spent the day lying on the sofa reading. Finished one book and got half way through another. Pure bliss.

B
1 apple
210 g yogurt
15g soy grains
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tofu
120g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120g fish
240 courgette
360g salad
1 tbls oil
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 1 1/2 liters
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 88

2008-02-01T23:11:00.000Z

Had another great food, exercise and water day. That makes 5.

B
1 apple
240 g yogurt
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tofu
30g w.g
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120g fish
120 beets
360g salad
1 tbls oil
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 1 1/2 liters
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 89

2008-01-31T21:32:00.000Z

Sayre's comment got me wondering just how many weight loss programs there are out there. I couldn't find a list, but I did stumble across a list of Anonymous programs. Holy Macaroni! We human beings have a lot of stuff going on don't we?

* AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
* ACOA (also called ACA) - Adult Children of Alcoholics
* ADD-Anonymous - for people suffering from ADD
* Al-Anon/Alateen
* AAA - All Addictions Anonymous
* Anti-Nutrient Addicts Anonymous (aka as Sucrose and/or Junk Food addicts anonymous)
* A.R.T.S. Anonymous
* CA - Cocaine Anonymous
* CDA - Chemically Dependent Anonymous
* CEA HOW- Compulsive Eaters Anonymous
* CHAPTER 9 - Couples in Recovery
* CLA - Clutterers Anonymous
* CMA - Crystal Meth Anonymous
* CoDA - Co-Dependents Anonymous
* COSLAA - Codependents of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
* COSA - Codependents of Sex Addicts
* DRA - Dual Recovery Anonymous
* DA - Debtors Anonymous
* DA - Depressed Anonymous
* DDA - Dual Diagnosis Anonymous
* EA - Emotions Anonymous
* EAA - Eating Addictions Anonymous
* FA - Families Anonymous
* FA - Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous
* GA - Gamblers Anonymous
* GSA - GreySheeters Anonymous
* HCV Anonymous
* HIV Anonymous
* ISA - Incest Survivors Anonymous
* MA - Marijuana Anonymous
* MA - Methadone Anonymous
* NA - Narcotics Anonymous
* Nar-Anon - family groups of addicts
* NicA - Nicotine Addicts Anonymous
* OA - Overeaters Anonymous
* OLGA / OLG-Anon - OnLine Gamers Anonymous
* PA - Pills Anonymous
* PIR - Pagans In Recovery
* Procrastinators Anonymous
* RA - Recoveries Anonymous
* RCA - Recovering Couples Anonymous
* RSA - Rape Survivors Anonymous
* SA - Schizophrenic Anonymous
* SMA - Self-Mutilators Anonymous
* SG - Serenity Groups
* SA - Sexaholics Anonymous
* SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous
* SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
* SARA - Sexual Assault Recovery Anonymous
* SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
* SWA - Sex Workers Anonymous
* SA - Spenders Anonymous
* SPA - Social Phobics Anonymous
* SIA - Survivors of Incest Anonymous
* Sex industry survivors
* VA - Vulgarity Anonymous
* WA - Workaholics Anonymous

Food, Exercise and water on track today.

B
1 apple
240 g yogurt
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tempeh
120g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. oil
1/2 liter H2O

D
6og cheese
240g turnips
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 2 liters (YEAH again!!!)
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 90

2008-01-30T20:09:00.000Z

Things went well today food, exercise and water wise and I'm feeling great. It's wonderful talking to my sponsor every morning, the conversation is short and sweet and helps me to start my day on the right foot. I'm supposed to be attending GA meetings but there are only three in London and the times don't work for me, so I dial into the GA international telephone meetings when I get the chance. It's amazing how many people are doing this program all over the world. They were approximately 200 people on the line - mostly from the USA but also from Iceland, Latvia, Israel, Mexico ... it's incredible.

One of the things that I heard a few people saying is that they don't eat no matter what. What they mean is that they stick to their food plan and don't give into food temptations. Now when I feel vaguely tempted by some food, I hear this voice in my head saying I don't eat no matter what.

B
1 apple
56g cheese
1 liter H2O

L
120g tofu
120 g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120 g fish
240g beans
360g salad
1 tbls olive oil
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 2 liters (YEAH!!!)
Exercise: 40 min elliptical trainer

Day 91

2008-01-29T19:35:00.000Z

Another great food day!!!

B
1 apple
240 g yogurt
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g fish
30g wheat germ
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
6og cheese
240g brussel sprouts
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 1 1/2 liters
Exercise: Didn't get a chance to do the elliptical today.

Day 92

2008-01-28T08:52:00.000Z

I am going to buy shares in these light box things. They're magic. The weeks before I went to Barbados and since I got back have been just awful. I had absolutely no reason to be depressed but was. I felt so out of control, like some 'thing' was sapping the life, energy and joie d'vivre out of me and I was powerless to make it stop. Now, I've been getting up early and easily because of the dawn simulator feature on my light box and I sit by it for at least two hours every day while I work. Now I feel much more myself again. Energised and ready to make things happen.

Food wise, yesterday, was HARD but I was sooooooooo happy to finally get my food back on track. Today was much much easier. I was in such a good space that I was able to start exercising again. I did 1/2 hr on my elliptical. Yeah!!! Now I just need to work on my water intake.

To say a little more about G Anonymous. It is like Alcoholics Anon. but for people with food addictions or compulsive eating issues, which I believe I have. Now not everyone who is overweight is a food addict or a compulsive eater. Obviously, some people simply make poor choices when they eat or eat a little too much and end up overweight. Whatever the case, I got tired pussy-footing around with my weight and decided to turn up the heat on myself.

GA is not for the faint-hearted. I mean ... the program is very rigid and the people who do it are varying degrees of insane ... but it works if you work it and I'm going do my best to work it. Essentially, what is involved is: you choose someone who has done the program successfully for 90 days or more to be your sponsor. A sponsor is like a mentor. They give you the ga food plan (it's top secret but essentially it consists of protein, fruit and vegetables - no carbs, no sugar, no fun ;( and they explain how you use it.

Everyday, you select three meals (b,l,d) from said food plan, you write them down, call your sponsor and tell her/him what you are going to eat. You can then only eat what you have committed to eat. You can change your mind during the day but you have to call your sponsor or another program member and tell them the change. You can't eat anything in between meals except coffee, tea or diet soda. Everyday that you do this you count it as one day of successfully abstaining from compulsive eating. If you fail, i.e skip a meal, eat a chocolate bar, a grain of rice, one carrot too many, then you have slipped and you have to go back to Day 1 and start counting days over again. Oh and by the way you have to go to meetings (for support) and say, 'Hey, I'm Nona and I'm a compulsive overeater ...

My new sponsor a sweet French woman who lives in Paris has been abstinent for 15 1/2 years. Can you imagine? I can't but luckily I don't have to. All I have to do is get through today and I did. Yeah!!!

B
1 apple
56g cheese
1/2 liter H2O

L
112g tofu
112 g beets
224g salad
1 tbls. oil
1/2 liter H2O

D
56g cheese
224g cauliflower
446g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Water: 1 liters
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 93 - Back on Track!!!

2008-01-27T09:13:00.000Z

So I have found a new sponsor and hopefully everything will work out well with her. The thing about this program is that you have to be careful who you choose to work with because some people are ... well ... let's just say that some people are easier to work with than others. (smirk)

My food for the day:

B
1 apple
56g cheese

L
112g tofu
112 g beets
224g salad
1 tbls. oil

D
56g cheese
224g broccoli
336g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Day 94

2008-01-26T00:02:00.000Z

I still haven't gotten my computer back from the shop yet, which is making it hard to blog daily, but things are beginning to look up otherwise.

The light box therapy seems to be taking affect because I can feel a definite shift in my mood and energy level.

In addition, I think I have finally found a sponsor to help guide and support me through the GS program. I have to give her a call tomorrow so we can work out the details. Hopefully I can get back to some sort of structured approach to eating by tomorrow. With my mood shifting and energy level coming back, I can feel my motivation to eat healthily and exercise regularly increasing ... and not a moment too soon.

Day 97

2008-01-23T16:09:00.000Z

I had a birthday last week and since then I've been contemplating age in various ways. What do you see in this picture on the left? The young woman or the old woman? A shift of perspective can open a whole new world.

Speaking of whole new world ... a teenager said something to me the other day which made me think, 'Gosh Nona, you know you are getting old when ...' That started a whole investigation into endings which relate specifically to my life.

You know you are getting old when:

You've never seen a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and you don't care.

You don't get the whole handbag craze thing.

Your partner is 13 years younger than you are and you aren't breaking any laws.

Your favourite music is considered old school.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You notice an additional band of fat around your already thick waist that you could swear wasn't there before.

Your late night ends at 11pm.

You have more patience because you just don't care anymore.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Feel free to add some of your own.

Day 99

2008-01-21T22:58:00.000Z

Thanks for all your kind and supportive comments. My honey bought me a dawn simulator last week for my birthday and I am hoping that it will help my mood.

It's a bedside lamp that slowly wakes you up by increasing the light intensity over a 30 minute period so it feels like you're waking up with sunlight on your face. There are various sound settings like birds, running water or a radio that you can choose to accompany the light if you want to and they also start off softly and increase over the 30 minute period. I love this thing. It has made waking up so much easier and more pleasant. In addition you can also use the light for light therapy. I'm trying to sit by it as much as I can. Apparently it takes anywhere from one day to two weeks to feel the effects of light therapy. I hope it works.

In other news, my food is not too good. My sponsor didn't work out. I am at day 99 and haven't been making much progress towards my weight loss goals so I need to find another sponsor quickly and get things back on track.

Day 104

2008-01-16T16:03:00.000Z

I've been feeling depressed-ish and haven't felt like blogging. Feel like retreating with my honey to a hut at the top of a very high mountain and not showing my face in public again until summer ... or maybe NEVER.

Day 106

2008-01-14T13:35:00.000Z

As I'm using the GA food plan, I won't be counting calories for a while, though after so many months of counting I have a good idea of how many calories the foods I'll be eating contain.

B
1/2 liter H2O
1 apple
56g cheese
1/2 liter H2O

L
112g tofu
1 cup beets
1 cup salad
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 teaspoons salad dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
56g cheese
1 cup cauliflower
2 cups salad
1 tbls butter
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

2 liters H2O

Day 109

2008-01-11T23:46:00.000Z

I got my sister to bring me a nifty new pedometer from the USA at Christmas. I used it today and was very pleased with it.

I have lost so many pedometers over the past year that I was very happy to see that this one clips to your clothes really securely and can also be carried in the pocket or purse.

Apparently it can differentiate between walking motion and jolts or shaking which allows it to record steps more accurately than other models. It can differentiate between regular steps and aerobic steps and resets itself at midnight but holds up to 7 days of records so you can compare your activity from day to day over a week.

Here were my results today:
I walked 12,193 steps. of which 3735 were aerobic steps which I walked over 33 minutes. I burnt 446 calories and walked 4.81 miles. Not bad, eh?

Day 110

2008-01-10T21:50:00.001Z

Okay, my baby is at the doctors. She may need a new hard drive. I'll know more in a few days. I'm using my honey's computer and will still try to post everyday though my posts may be very short indeed.

I have decided to join GA after all. When I look at my track record over the past few months, I have to admit that I could use the extra support and motivation to keep on track and get this weight moving consistently downwards ... because ultimately that is what this is all about, losing the weight sooner rather than later.

I am presently getting myself organised with a sponsor and stocking the foods I'll need. Then I'll start my daily record again.

Day 111

2008-01-09T11:41:00.000Z

Oh noooooooooo! I've got computer blues. My sweet little Mac laptop has gone to sleep and won't wake up. I am taking her to the doctor's tomorrow and hopefully she can make her better because I can't live without her. :(

Day 112

2008-01-08T21:37:00.000Z

After work today I went to a GA meeting. It was so inspiring and I'm thinking of joining again, but I have to give it serious thought first.

GS is not a program for the faint hearted. It is not a diet club, but a recovery program based on the Alcoholics Anon. model. You weigh and measure three meals a day from the food plan (even when you go out to dinner, i.e without exception), you tell your sponsor what those meals will be and you don't eat anything in between your meals but coffee, tea, or diet soda. Everyday that you do this without deviation you count a day. After 90 days, you start the 12 steps of AA to help clear away emotional/spiritual debris from your life, a process which is designed to address the core reasons why we eat compulsively. It was in GA many moons ago that I first lost all my weigh and kept it off for 5 years before switching to regular OA where I kept it off for about another 5.

I am well aware of what is required of me, soooooo ... I guess it all comes down to how badly I want to lose the weight. I have been trying to lose this weight for three years. Just to give a quick history of me and obesity. I began putting on weight when I was about 8 and just grew and grew in size until I found GA in my 20s and started running. I lost all my weight and kept it off for about 10 years. Then I injured my knee and had to stop running, met my honey and he began to woo me with among other things, fancy restaurants and chocolate and I forgot that I had food/weight issues and started eating whatever I liked, whenever I liked and voila! 7 years later, I'm heavier than I've ever been.

I've been trying to lose this weight since the beginning of 2005 without success. I started this blog to help me and it has helped. I've lost almost about 8kgs. (not counting the damage I'm sure I did at Christmas) over the past 5 months, but I think I want to, need to do better than this. I need to be much more consistent with my food and exercise over a longer period of time, if I'm going to shed these kilos before the 22nd century. I don't agree with all of GA's philosophies, but I must admit it works and works well. Decisions ... Decisions.

B - 2641 apple- 74
150 g yogurt - 190
16 oz/470ml H2O

L -
28g cheese - 66
300 g yogurt - 250
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Afternoon16 oz/470ml H2O

D -
28g cheese - 66
4 oz prawns - ?
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories -
H2O - 64 oz
Exercise - O

Day 113 - New Attitude ...

2008-01-07T12:01:00.000Z

Runnin' hot, runnin' cold
I was runnin' into overload
It was extreme, ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-extreme
I took it so high, so low
So low, there was nowhere to go
Like a bad dream
Somehow the wires uncrossed, the tables were turned
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn

I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude
I'm in control, my worries are few
'Cause I've got love like I never knew
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I got a:
N*E*W A*T*T*I*T*U*D*E!!!!

Thank you Patti LaBelle. This is my theme song for 2008.

I haven't made any New Year's resolutions but one of my most critical goals for 2008, is to continue the weight loss journey I started last August and lose the 27kgs/60lbs I have left to lose through good nutrition and exercise.

I'm back on my food plan and am thinking of participating in the Nazi of Overeaters Anonymous programs, GreySheeters OA for at least 90 days to help me meet my goals. It was in this program that I first achieved and maintained my weight loss many moons ago. I'm thinking it might be worth it for me to go back to basics as I intend to be 55kgs/120lbs before December 2008.

I have not weighed for a long time and I don't intend to until my next weigh day on the 27th January. It would demoralise me too much to see a high number. I know I have put on weight by the way my clothes fit, I wore a UK14/US12 pants to Barbados, but I didn't even bother to try it on on my way back because I knew it'd probably cut off my circulation complete and one thing you don't want to be is uncomfortable on a long flight.

B - 264
1 apple- 74
150 g yogurt - 190
16 oz/470ml H2O

L - 430
28g cheese - 66
150 g yogurt - 190
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Afternoon
16 oz/470ml H2O

D - 430
28g cheese - 66
150 g yogurt - 190
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories - 1124
H2O - 64 oz
Exercise - O

Really pleased with my day today. I got right back on track with my food plan and met my full quota with the water. Tomorrow I will start incorporating exercise.

Day 114

2008-01-06T19:35:00.000Z

I spend the weekend in a semi-comatosed state on my sofa grazing on chocolates. My days of mourning.

Day 116 - Home Grey Home

2008-01-04T10:17:00.000Z

We are back in London safely. Had a great old fashion send off from Barbados with all the family at the airport laughing and crying and waving. Warmed my heart, which is a good thing because I'll need all the internal warmth I can get to keep my spirits up over the next few winter months.

Ours was an overnight flight which was just perfect because I slept through most of it. As we approached the British Isles I woke up looked out the window into the early morning light and when I saw this thick seemingly inpenetratable blanket of cloud my heart sank. I love my life in London, but the weather is hard on a girl.

Yesterday this was the view from my window. Today , this is the view .

Day 117 - Happy 2008!!!

2008-01-03T11:11:00.000Z

Today is our last day in Barbados ... for a while anyway. We have had the most wonderful time with my family and friends and needless to say we are very sad to be leaving. Of course, we will be back again one day soon ....

We are celebrating our last day with an early morning sail and a frolic at the beach followed by a delicious bajan (creole word for Barbadian) lunch of rice and peas, macaroni pie, flying fish and salad and of course a couple of bottles of plus. Then we are heading to an art gallery before going home to loll in the hammock until we have to leave for our 8:30pm flight.

Here are a few photos from the past few days:

Sunrise at Farley Hill on New Year's Day

Also went swimming (snorkeling) with sea turtles on New Year's Day. I love snorkeling and scuba. No scuba this time but had a ball with the turtles. They are such gentle creatures. I even kicked one accidentally and he/she did not hold it against me. Didn't have an underwater camera so I downloaded this from the web.

The sand on the beaches in Barbados is a beautiful pale pinkish colour or pale yellowish colour depending on where you swim. This beach is called Paradise Beach and is one of my two favourite beaches. I've been coming here since I was a teenager. The Four Seasons is currently building a hotel on the land overlooking this beach. All the beaches in Barbados are public property, so Four Seasons cannot privatise the beach. They can (and I am sure will) however block access to the beach through their property. This would mean that the next time I come back here I may have to walk half a mile through public property to get to this beach. It will also mean that it will move from a quiet and secluded beach to a noisy and crowded one. I'm enjoying it as much as I can now.

The graceful and majestic Royal Palm Trees

Poinsettias grow wild in Barbados, but in England you have to pay a lot of money to have the privilege of a small plant in your home.

Ginger Lilies

Christmas Candles

My mum has a small flower arranging business. Every week she donates two arrangements to her church. Here is one of her completed arrangements and another she is working on.

Traditional Barbadian chattel house

When I was a child many people did not have indoor plumbing and relied on these public "standpipes" for water. Many people met in the evenings after work at the standpipe and exchanged the day's news and gossip. If someone wanted to tell you you were stupid, it was common to say in creole: "You like you went to Standpipe High." = instead of going to high school, you spend all your time hanging out at the standpipe, so you didn't get formal education. Today, standpipes are less common, mostly existing in the country areas where a few people still rely on them.

Emancipation Statue of Bussa. Bussa was born a free man in Africa, but captured and brought to Barbados as were the ancestors of the majority of Barbadians. He went on to lead a slave rebellion against the British colonialists and slave holders in the 18th century. The rebellion was unsuccessful and he and many others, were executed by the British, but his name lived on as a courageous and defiant freedom fighter.

I've always thought that I would end up living in the Caribbean again ... eventually. I was therefore terribly excited when I discovered the new Errol Barrow Centre for Creative Imagination at the University of the West Indies. The centre is introducing the university's first Bachelor of Fine Arts program in the fall 0f 2008, which means that if I did decide I want to live in Barbados again, I'd have the possibility of continue to teach. Coincidentally, I met the daughter of one of my mother's oldest friends when I was visiting my mother's childhood village a week ago. She is program director for the centre and invited me for a grand tour on Wednesday. It is a BEAUTIFUL BUILDING and I was very impressed by their ambitious and edgy agenda. Could fate be enticing me to come back home?

My parent's home which will always be my home as well.

Day 120 - Old Year's Night!!!

2007-12-31T09:45:00.000Z

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would've liked to. I've usually been too exhausted at night to stay awake and write. Also my dial-up connection is so slow I get impatient with the length of time it takes to do everything.

First let me say my food plan has been shot to pieces and I can tell that I have put on weight, but I am taking it all in my stride knowing that when I get back to London and to my routine, I'll lose the weight again and continue my downward trend.

Since I last wrote I have been spending leisurely days at the beach, Paradise Beach

visiting relatives

Cousin Aña (I love this little girl)

Aunt Ivy (90 years old) and I

and exploring the countryside.

Mahogany Trees on Cherry Tree Hill

Boys cycling down hill in Hillaby

View of the East Coast from Cherry Tree Hill

Scotland District

Anglican Church

Windmill build by the Dutch and used to process sugar cane between 16th - 19th centuries

Delores, James and I visited the village where my mum was born. Life in this village hasn't changed much and we were able to find people who remembered my grandparents, my mother and her siblings.We plan to have a quiet Old Year's Night at home. Actually, I am probably going to be asleep by 10pm. so that we can wake up by about 5:30am to go out and watch the sunrise on the first day of the new year.