This is not a swan song by any means, but I have not been at all motivated to blog for quite a while now. Whenever I think of blogging, I just experience it as a drag, which contrasts greatly to when I first began to blog. Then I was a very enthusiastic blogger and commenter.
I thought blogging was going to be the magic weight loss bullet, that my fear of public failure would help to keep me motivated in losing the weight. Well I am coming up next month on the one year anniversary of having started this blog and I am almost in the same place I started in. So much for that idea.
The only reason I haven't just given up the whole blogging thing is because I've met such really wonderful people from around the globe and feel like I'm part of a loose knit community of people who are all struggling to achieve the same goals: weight loss and better health. I want to keep that communication going and I fear that if I stop blogging, I'll stop reading blogs as well and lose connection with all the great people I've gotten to know. So I press on and hopefully will be blogging more than once a week again.
So what's going on for me today? I'm really HATING being overweight. It makes me feel less than. I have been trying to lose weight on and off since January 2005 and haven't gotten pass 179lbs./81kgs before I go back to the 190s. While I was on the elliptical trainer this morning I was wondering what all the years of obesity and yo-yoing have done to my health. I wonder if my inability to be responsible with my diet and exercise has shortened my life span. I wonder if I will ever lose weight or if by my yo-yoing I've locked my body into some sort of weight loss purgatory. I know that I have not been consistent in my weight loss efforts but, when I am consistent I seem to reap minuscule results which simply demoralise me.
I thought blogging was going to be the magic weight loss bullet, that my fear of public failure would help to keep me motivated in losing the weight. Well I am coming up next month on the one year anniversary of having started this blog and I am almost in the same place I started in. So much for that idea.
The only reason I haven't just given up the whole blogging thing is because I've met such really wonderful people from around the globe and feel like I'm part of a loose knit community of people who are all struggling to achieve the same goals: weight loss and better health. I want to keep that communication going and I fear that if I stop blogging, I'll stop reading blogs as well and lose connection with all the great people I've gotten to know. So I press on and hopefully will be blogging more than once a week again.
So what's going on for me today? I'm really HATING being overweight. It makes me feel less than. I have been trying to lose weight on and off since January 2005 and haven't gotten pass 179lbs./81kgs before I go back to the 190s. While I was on the elliptical trainer this morning I was wondering what all the years of obesity and yo-yoing have done to my health. I wonder if my inability to be responsible with my diet and exercise has shortened my life span. I wonder if I will ever lose weight or if by my yo-yoing I've locked my body into some sort of weight loss purgatory. I know that I have not been consistent in my weight loss efforts but, when I am consistent I seem to reap minuscule results which simply demoralise me.
Do the RealAge test. It was a real eye-opener for me back when I first took it. That was when I was somewhere around 40. It does take a LONG time to make those kind of changes, so I wouldn't be too discouraged about your seeming lack of progress. Yes, the numbers don't seem to add up, but if you had taken that test a couple of years ago and then taken it now, I'm betting you'd have seen some major differences too. I didn't expect to see the kind of change that I did, so it was a complete surprise to see that I'd essentially knocked 19 years off my body's age.
ReplyDeleteI can understand about the blogging too. Blogging about weight can be really depressing - especially if you don't feel like you're getting anywhere. I write much more, nearly daily, on my main blog, and only when I feel like I have something to report on my weight loss blog. If you look at my posting dates on the weight loss blog, you'll see some pretty good gaps in there.
That said, if you want to keep up with me in a less weight loss sort of way, you're welcome to come visit the other blog anytime. Because I like you as a person too - not just a bulge-battler! http://sayresmiles.blogspot.com
I can understand the frustration. It has taken me a long time to get where I am at, and I don't mean just the last 1.5 years. I have struggled with weight and fitness almost all of my life. It has taken me a long time to get it through my head that it's not about weight loss, it's about fitness. Weight loss is a side effect. You said you were on your elliptical. Think about that. You weren't sitting on the couch. You weren't lounging in bed. You weren't puttering away on your computer. You took time to get on that elliptical. That time could have been spent doing something else. Instead, you used that time to improve your fitness. Even if the weight hasn't come off, you are still doing something positive for your fitness. You can feel good about that.
ReplyDeleteConcerning that diet you were on...I am no expert, but it sounded pretty drastic and rigid. Perhaps, you should look at taking more moderate steps toward eating more healthy. Perhaps, the pounds (er kilos) won't fall off, but I think that moderate changes will be easier to make into permanent habits.
I have been so extremely there in terms of your motivation for starting your blog. I've even gone for months without blogging for the kinds of reasons that you describe. When i started my blog, quite some time ago, I weighed 185 lbs. This was a regain from a successful journey from 192 down to 125.5 lbs. Since beginning my blog, I have gotten down to about 165 lbs, the up to 204 and beyond. I once spiked up to 208 lbs. This morning the scale read 189.5. I've been struggling these past 2 weeks to keep up with getting rid of weight instead of packing it on. One thing that I've done re. blogging, is to get beyond weight into whatever else I choose to write about. I hope you'll continue to blog and, separate from this, achieve the kind of success re. getting rid of the lbs. that you are aiming for.
ReplyDeleteI can identify with this post quite a lot. And I agree with you on wanting to keep in touch with all your cyber friends.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I think this weight loss caper is going to be a life long struggle (for me anyway)but I'm up for the challenge because the alternative is unthinkable and unliveable