Tuesday, 22 June 2010

Quote of the week:

"Losing weight is 80% mental and 20% physical. Most people spend a great deal of time debating which diet is best and arguing the merits that distinguish one plan from another. Not enough time however is spent training the brain to take on one of life's toughest journeys."
Dr. Ian K. Smith
I came across this quote this weekend and it made me think about how our conscious and unconscious thought patterns control our lives far more than we tend to acknowledge. Before I met my husband 11 years ago this March, I had really catastrophic taste in men. I attracted and selected men who were to varying degrees emotional cripples. After many failed relationships I began to fear that I would never have a healthy romantic relationship.

Around this time I stumbled across a book on relationships that caught my attention. The main point I took away from it was that I needed to make an exhaustive list of all the qualities I wanted in a mate and then, accepting that no one is perfect, I was to reduce the list to about 6 or 7 absolutely essential qualities that I absolutely was not willing to live without - deal breakers I think the author called them. I don't remember if the author suggested this next step, but as I was also reading about affirmations at the time, I turned my selected qualities into an affirmation that looked like this:
I have a loving relationship with a black man who:
is Kind
is Emotionally available and accessible
has Integrity
is Bright
is financially responsible
has non materialistic values and life goals
Every morning for about six months I would read that affirmation out aloud. I kept dating duds though and was actually dating a dud when I met the man who was to become my husband.

Before starting Graduate School, I took a temp assignment at a investment bank on Wall Street to boost my income. I started working there the month after my husband had been transferred from the London branch of the same bank. We met in the kitchen where we were both making tea one day, introduced ourselves and went back to our desks. For the next few weeks or so we just said good morning as we passed each other, but one morning he was passing my desk while I was reading the newspaper and when he said good morning, I, caught up in the article I was reading, responded by saying something like, "this is so absolutely ridiculous." He stopped to find out what was "so absolutely ridiculous" and we ended up having a short rather nice chat.

Over the following six months or so we became rather good friends. I had no idea that he was romantically interested in me and when he told me I was a little shocked. Even though I liked him immensely and found him attractive, I hadn't though about him as a potential mate mostly because I was on the look out for a black man. Once he introduced the idea though, I realised that he did have all the qualities on my list except that he wasn't a black man, so I turned him down.

He was not to be deterred however and proceeded to wooed me consistently with kindness, a ready and compassionate ear, great conversation, flowers, chocolates, perfume, lunches, dinners, concerts, operas, ballet etc. One day while I was looking at my affirmations and cursing the universe for sending me the perfect man in the "wrong" colour, I realise that the universe had given me exactly what I'd asked for. My husband's (who I refer to in my posts by his second name) first initial is A and his last name is Blackman. The universe does have a sense of humour doesn't it? The rest, as they say, is history.

Long story short, I believe that the mind is the most powerful organ we possess and I know that if I can't use mine to change my internal relationship to food and exercise permanently, it won't matter how much weight I lose, I'll just put it right back on. I know this now as clearly as I know that the only way I could have attracted a man so radically different from the others I'd dated, was to sort out my thinking about what was important to me in a life partner.

Loss 1.3kgs/2.8lbs this week to bring my weight to 74.2kgs/163.6lbs. A total loss of 20.3kgs/45lbs. so far.

On another note, a Biggest Loser contestant, Kai Hibbard has been spilling the dirt about the show in violation of all the legal documents she signed to protect the show's "secrets". Hat Tip to: The Journey of a Weight Loss *ista.

Best Quote from this interview: The Biggest Loser isn't a weight loss camp that happens to be filmed for TV, it's a TV show that's made to look like a weight loss camp.
Is anyone surprised by Kai's revelations? Of course, the Biggest Loser is about making money for various corporations by using and abusing sick people in the name of "entertainment". I think one would have to be very naive about the machinations of corporations to think otherwise.

I won't go over all the points I made in my previous rant about the Biggest Loser, suffice to say that though I completely understand why someone who is dying from this illness called obesity would sign up for the show, and though I can appreciate that there are many aspects of the show that are inspiring, we "the civilised viewer" can't pretend that we are not enjoying the ill being humiliated and competing and suffering for their "cure" in a way that we would never ever tolerate or accept any other ill person - say a smoker who had developed lung cancer - being humiliated or suffering for their chance at a cure.


  1. I love that story about you and your husband and how funny about his name. The video is very interesting and sad. I watched this past season for the first time and had some issues with the show but also found it motivating. I hate hearing that it is so manipulated. Thanks for sharing that.

  2. Congratulations on your weight loss!!!
    I to hate to hear how TBL is so manipulated. This video has really opened my eyes to the reality of it all! Thank you for sharing that with us and thank you for dropping a line!!! Have a great week!!

  3. This was a FANTASTIC post. I hear what you say about looking for a good man. PERIOD, where color does not matter. Where I live I am noticing more and more young black women marrying non black men and I think that it isfor this reason. They are finding men that are not black, that have all the qualities that they are looking for. As for myself,still looking, even if he is blue...

    Amazing job on the weight loss, another superb week. You are more than halfway there. "Oh we're halfway there, UHOH living on a prayer..." wow why am I singing Bon Jovi, I digress. Keep up the great work, that's for all your support on my blog. You have got this!

  4. I will post a quick comment tonight and a long one tomorrow! I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE this story!
    let me know what he says about what annoys him!
    Have a pretty night!

  5. how romantic! loved how you met your husband.
    i wished that things were as simple as skin color between my ex-boyfriend and me. when i broke up with him, i never expressed why to my readers. it was because i realized how important spirituality was for me in building a life with someone. and it made me sad never being able to say to him, "i'll pray for you" and for it to mean something, anything to him. that's what i was thinking when i read your post.

    congrats on the loss! and thank you for your sweet comments on my blog. i really appreciate your friendship. honest.

  6. Congratulations on the loss!! and the story of how you and your husband met is so romantic!! I just love it!!

    Oh and The biggest loser show, I am not surprised. I stopped watching that show a while ago because I just knew it was unrealistic for people. I am not surprised at all about the tactics they used to make money.

  7. I'm so amazed that your list worked. That's just incredible.

  8. Obviously you were rewarded for reading the newspaper. I wish I did that. Love the quote at the beginning. So true -- just pick something and stick with it already!

  9. wow pass me a newspaper quick!!! great post and well done on the loss.

    in answer to your question on my post. SW is Slimming World. I love the plan it works well for me and i love the group support i get at my class.

  10. I love this post. I watch BL all the time and I found this interesting.

  11. Perhaps the universe was teaching you to look with your heart and not with your eyes. I'd say you learned your lesson!

    Congratulations on the loss! You are doing so well! I've been thinking about Weight Watchers. It seems quite realistic to me, but it's a bit pricey... It's easy to say, "Oh, I just have one shake in the morning and one at lunch with a reasonable dinner," or "If I exercise enough, I can eat anything." Or any number of other things. Whatever is done to lose weight needs to actually fit in with your life. And I find that most really don't, which is why it is so easy to stop. I think Biggest Loser suffers from the same problem. This is not a real situation. These people are away from their lives and being pressured to do this rather than teaching them to incorporate healthful habits into their everyday lives. Have you seen the winners? Almost all of them have regained the weight and are struggling again... because they didn't learn the right way when they went through "the program". One of them, Eric, was on a Discovery Health show talking about having to start all over again because he'd gained it back and then some - but would do it right this time! Kai's a brave lady.

    Oops - wrote my own column here!

  12. and i totally agree with what you wrote about the biggest loser. reality t.v. is humanity at it's worst.

    you know, i think i actually might before the weather you're having. i don't like the heat!

  13. I happened upon your blog and I love how you write. I am going to follow you. Thanks. :)

  14. I agree. Fantastic post about the mind and about Biggest Loser.

  15. I also had my perfect list of what I wanted in a man, skin color definitely being high on the list, and then God sent me a white Spaniard to knock me off my feet completely! Very romantic story about how you fell in love and I pray for continued happiness and many blessings in your marriage! xx

  16. The story of you and your hubby is beautiful, funny, and so inspirational.

    Congrats on your current (and continued) weight loss!

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