Day 89

Sayre's comment got me wondering just how many weight loss programs there are out there. I couldn't find a list, but I did stumble across a list of Anonymous programs. Holy Macaroni! We human beings have a lot of stuff going on don't we?

* AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
* ACOA (also called ACA) - Adult Children of Alcoholics
* ADD-Anonymous - for people suffering from ADD
* Al-Anon/Alateen
* AAA - All Addictions Anonymous
* Anti-Nutrient Addicts Anonymous (aka as Sucrose and/or Junk Food addicts anonymous)
* A.R.T.S. Anonymous
* CA - Cocaine Anonymous
* CDA - Chemically Dependent Anonymous
* CEA HOW- Compulsive Eaters Anonymous
* CHAPTER 9 - Couples in Recovery
* CLA - Clutterers Anonymous
* CMA - Crystal Meth Anonymous
* CoDA - Co-Dependents Anonymous
* COSLAA - Codependents of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
* COSA - Codependents of Sex Addicts
* DRA - Dual Recovery Anonymous
* DA - Debtors Anonymous
* DA - Depressed Anonymous
* DDA - Dual Diagnosis Anonymous
* EA - Emotions Anonymous
* EAA - Eating Addictions Anonymous
* FA - Families Anonymous
* FA - Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous
* GA - Gamblers Anonymous
* GSA - GreySheeters Anonymous
* HCV Anonymous
* HIV Anonymous
* ISA - Incest Survivors Anonymous
* MA - Marijuana Anonymous
* MA - Methadone Anonymous
* NA - Narcotics Anonymous
* Nar-Anon - family groups of addicts
* NicA - Nicotine Addicts Anonymous
* OA - Overeaters Anonymous
* OLGA / OLG-Anon - OnLine Gamers Anonymous
* PA - Pills Anonymous
* PIR - Pagans In Recovery
* Procrastinators Anonymous
* RA - Recoveries Anonymous
* RCA - Recovering Couples Anonymous
* RSA - Rape Survivors Anonymous
* SA - Schizophrenic Anonymous
* SMA - Self-Mutilators Anonymous
* SG - Serenity Groups
* SA - Sexaholics Anonymous
* SAA - Sex Addicts Anonymous
* SLAA - Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous
* SARA - Sexual Assault Recovery Anonymous
* SCA - Sexual Compulsives Anonymous
* SWA - Sex Workers Anonymous
* SA - Spenders Anonymous
* SPA - Social Phobics Anonymous
* SIA - Survivors of Incest Anonymous
* Sex industry survivors
* VA - Vulgarity Anonymous
* WA - Workaholics Anonymous

Food, Exercise and water on track today.

B
1 apple
240 g yogurt
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g tempeh
120g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. oil
1/2 liter H2O

D
6og cheese
240g turnips
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 2 liters (YEAH again!!!)
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 90

Things went well today food, exercise and water wise and I'm feeling great. It's wonderful talking to my sponsor every morning, the conversation is short and sweet and helps me to start my day on the right foot. I'm supposed to be attending GA meetings but there are only three in London and the times don't work for me, so I dial into the GA international telephone meetings when I get the chance. It's amazing how many people are doing this program all over the world. They were approximately 200 people on the line - mostly from the USA but also from Iceland, Latvia, Israel, Mexico ... it's incredible.

One of the things that I heard a few people saying is that they don't eat no matter what. What they mean is that they stick to their food plan and don't give into food temptations. Now when I feel vaguely tempted by some food, I hear this voice in my head saying I don't eat no matter what.

B
1 apple
56g cheese
1 liter H2O

L
120g tofu
120 g beets
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
120 g fish
240g beans
360g salad
1 tbls olive oil
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 2 liters (YEAH!!!)
Exercise: 40 min elliptical trainer

Day 91

Another great food day!!!

B
1 apple
240 g yogurt
1/2 liter H2O

L
120g fish
30g wheat germ
240g salad
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
6og cheese
240g brussel sprouts
360g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

Water: 1 1/2 liters
Exercise: Didn't get a chance to do the elliptical today.

Day 92

I am going to buy shares in these light box things. They're magic. The weeks before I went to Barbados and since I got back have been just awful. I had absolutely no reason to be depressed but was. I felt so out of control, like some 'thing' was sapping the life, energy and joie d'vivre out of me and I was powerless to make it stop. Now, I've been getting up early and easily because of the dawn simulator feature on my light box and I sit by it for at least two hours every day while I work. Now I feel much more myself again. Energised and ready to make things happen.

Food wise, yesterday, was HARD but I was sooooooooo happy to finally get my food back on track. Today was much much easier. I was in such a good space that I was able to start exercising again. I did 1/2 hr on my elliptical. Yeah!!! Now I just need to work on my water intake.

To say a little more about G Anonymous. It is like Alcoholics Anon. but for people with food addictions or compulsive eating issues, which I believe I have. Now not everyone who is overweight is a food addict or a compulsive eater. Obviously, some people simply make poor choices when they eat or eat a little too much and end up overweight. Whatever the case, I got tired pussy-footing around with my weight and decided to turn up the heat on myself.

GA is not for the faint-hearted. I mean ... the program is very rigid and the people who do it are varying degrees of insane ... but it works if you work it and I'm going do my best to work it. Essentially, what is involved is: you choose someone who has done the program successfully for 90 days or more to be your sponsor. A sponsor is like a mentor. They give you the ga food plan (it's top secret but essentially it consists of protein, fruit and vegetables - no carbs, no sugar, no fun ;( and they explain how you use it.

Everyday, you select three meals (b,l,d) from said food plan, you write them down, call your sponsor and tell her/him what you are going to eat. You can then only eat what you have committed to eat. You can change your mind during the day but you have to call your sponsor or another program member and tell them the change. You can't eat anything in between meals except coffee, tea or diet soda. Everyday that you do this you count it as one day of successfully abstaining from compulsive eating. If you fail, i.e skip a meal, eat a chocolate bar, a grain of rice, one carrot too many, then you have slipped and you have to go back to Day 1 and start counting days over again. Oh and by the way you have to go to meetings (for support) and say, 'Hey, I'm Nona and I'm a compulsive overeater ...

My new sponsor a sweet French woman who lives in Paris has been abstinent for 15 1/2 years. Can you imagine? I can't but luckily I don't have to. All I have to do is get through today and I did. Yeah!!!

B
1 apple
56g cheese
1/2 liter H2O

L
112g tofu
112 g beets
224g salad
1 tbls. oil
1/2 liter H2O

D
56g cheese
224g cauliflower
446g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing


Water: 1 liters
Exercise: 30 min elliptical trainer

Day 93 - Back on Track!!!

So I have found a new sponsor and hopefully everything will work out well with her. The thing about this program is that you have to be careful who you choose to work with because some people are ... well ... let's just say that some people are easier to work with than others. (smirk)

My food for the day:

B
1 apple
56g cheese

L
112g tofu
112 g beets
224g salad
1 tbls. oil

D
56g cheese
224g broccoli
336g salad
1 tbls butter
2 tbls. dressing

Day 94

I still haven't gotten my computer back from the shop yet, which is making it hard to blog daily, but things are beginning to look up otherwise.

The light box therapy seems to be taking affect because I can feel a definite shift in my mood and energy level.

In addition, I think I have finally found a sponsor to help guide and support me through the GS program. I have to give her a call tomorrow so we can work out the details. Hopefully I can get back to some sort of structured approach to eating by tomorrow. With my mood shifting and energy level coming back, I can feel my motivation to eat healthily and exercise regularly increasing ... and not a moment too soon.

Day 97

I had a birthday last week and since then I've been contemplating age in various ways. What do you see in this picture on the left? The young woman or the old woman? A shift of perspective can open a whole new world.

Speaking of whole new world ... a teenager said something to me the other day which made me think, 'Gosh Nona, you know you are getting old when ...' That started a whole investigation into endings which relate specifically to my life.

You know you are getting old when:

• You've never seen a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and you don't care.

• You don't get the whole handbag craze thing.

• Your partner is 13 years younger than you are and you aren't breaking any laws.

• Your favourite music is considered old school.

• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

• You notice an additional band of fat around your already thick waist that you could swear wasn't there before.

• Your late night ends at 11pm.

• You have more patience because you just don't care anymore.

• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

• There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Feel free to add some of your own.

Day 99

Thanks for all your kind and supportive comments. My honey bought me a dawn simulator last week for my birthday and I am hoping that it will help my mood.

It's a bedside lamp that slowly wakes you up by increasing the light intensity over a 30 minute period so it feels like you're waking up with sunlight on your face. There are various sound settings like birds, running water or a radio that you can choose to accompany the light if you want to and they also start off softly and increase over the 30 minute period. I love this thing. It has made waking up so much easier and more pleasant. In addition you can also use the light for light therapy. I'm trying to sit by it as much as I can. Apparently it takes anywhere from one day to two weeks to feel the effects of light therapy. I hope it works.

In other news, my food is not too good. My sponsor didn't work out. I am at day 99 and haven't been making much progress towards my weight loss goals so I need to find another sponsor quickly and get things back on track.

Day 104

I've been feeling depressed-ish and haven't felt like blogging. Feel like retreating with my honey to a hut at the top of a very high mountain and not showing my face in public again until summer ... or maybe NEVER.

Day 106

As I'm using the GA food plan, I won't be counting calories for a while, though after so many months of counting I have a good idea of how many calories the foods I'll be eating contain.

B
1/2 liter H2O
1 apple
56g cheese
1/2 liter H2O

L
112g tofu
1 cup beets
1 cup salad
1 teaspoon olive oil
2 teaspoons salad dressing
1/2 liter H2O

D
56g cheese
1 cup cauliflower
2 cups salad
1 tbls butter
1 tbls. dressing
1/2 liter H2O

2 liters H2O

Day 109

I got my sister to bring me a nifty new pedometer from the USA at Christmas. I used it today and was very pleased with it.

I have lost so many pedometers over the past year that I was very happy to see that this one clips to your clothes really securely and can also be carried in the pocket or purse.

Apparently it can differentiate between walking motion and jolts or shaking which allows it to record steps more accurately than other models. It can differentiate between regular steps and aerobic steps and resets itself at midnight but holds up to 7 days of records so you can compare your activity from day to day over a week.

Here were my results today:
I walked 12,193 steps. of which 3735 were aerobic steps which I walked over 33 minutes. I burnt 446 calories and walked 4.81 miles. Not bad, eh?

Day 110

Okay, my baby is at the doctors. She may need a new hard drive. I'll know more in a few days. I'm using my honey's computer and will still try to post everyday though my posts may be very short indeed.

I have decided to join GA after all. When I look at my track record over the past few months, I have to admit that I could use the extra support and motivation to keep on track and get this weight moving consistently downwards ... because ultimately that is what this is all about, losing the weight sooner rather than later.

I am presently getting myself organised with a sponsor and stocking the foods I'll need. Then I'll start my daily record again.

Day 111

Oh noooooooooo! I've got computer blues. My sweet little Mac laptop has gone to sleep and won't wake up. I am taking her to the doctor's tomorrow and hopefully she can make her better because I can't live without her. :(

Day 112

After work today I went to a GA meeting. It was so inspiring and I'm thinking of joining again, but I have to give it serious thought first.

GS is not a program for the faint hearted. It is not a diet club, but a recovery program based on the Alcoholics Anon. model. You weigh and measure three meals a day from the food plan (even when you go out to dinner, i.e without exception), you tell your sponsor what those meals will be and you don't eat anything in between your meals but coffee, tea, or diet soda. Everyday that you do this without deviation you count a day. After 90 days, you start the 12 steps of AA to help clear away emotional/spiritual debris from your life, a process which is designed to address the core reasons why we eat compulsively. It was in GA many moons ago that I first lost all my weigh and kept it off for 5 years before switching to regular OA where I kept it off for about another 5.

I am well aware of what is required of me, soooooo ... I guess it all comes down to how badly I want to lose the weight. I have been trying to lose this weight for three years. Just to give a quick history of me and obesity. I began putting on weight when I was about 8 and just grew and grew in size until I found GA in my 20s and started running. I lost all my weight and kept it off for about 10 years. Then I injured my knee and had to stop running, met my honey and he began to woo me with among other things, fancy restaurants and chocolate and I forgot that I had food/weight issues and started eating whatever I liked, whenever I liked and voila! 7 years later, I'm heavier than I've ever been.

I've been trying to lose this weight since the beginning of 2005 without success. I started this blog to help me and it has helped. I've lost almost about 8kgs. (not counting the damage I'm sure I did at Christmas) over the past 5 months, but I think I want to, need to do better than this. I need to be much more consistent with my food and exercise over a longer period of time, if I'm going to shed these kilos before the 22nd century. I don't agree with all of GA's philosophies, but I must admit it works and works well. Decisions ... Decisions.

B - 2641 apple- 74
150 g yogurt - 190
16 oz/470ml H2O

L -
28g cheese - 66
300 g yogurt - 250
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Afternoon16 oz/470ml H2O

D -
28g cheese - 66
4 oz prawns - ?
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories -
H2O - 64 oz
Exercise - O

Day 113 - New Attitude ...

Runnin' hot, runnin' cold
I was runnin' into overload
It was extreme, ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-extreme
I took it so high, so low
So low, there was nowhere to go
Like a bad dream
Somehow the wires uncrossed, the tables were turned
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn

I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes
Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view
I got a new attitude
I'm in control, my worries are few
'Cause I've got love like I never knew
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I got a:
N*E*W A*T*T*I*T*U*D*E!!!!

Thank you Patti LaBelle. This is my theme song for 2008.

I haven't made any New Year's resolutions but one of my most critical goals for 2008, is to continue the weight loss journey I started last August and lose the 27kgs/60lbs I have left to lose through good nutrition and exercise.

I'm back on my food plan and am thinking of participating in the Nazi of Overeaters Anonymous programs, GreySheeters OA for at least 90 days to help me meet my goals. It was in this program that I first achieved and maintained my weight loss many moons ago. I'm thinking it might be worth it for me to go back to basics as I intend to be 55kgs/120lbs before December 2008.

I have not weighed for a long time and I don't intend to until my next weigh day on the 27th January. It would demoralise me too much to see a high number. I know I have put on weight by the way my clothes fit, I wore a UK14/US12 pants to Barbados, but I didn't even bother to try it on on my way back because I knew it'd probably cut off my circulation complete and one thing you don't want to be is uncomfortable on a long flight.

B - 264
1 apple- 74
150 g yogurt - 190
16 oz/470ml H2O


L - 430
28g cheese - 66
150 g yogurt - 190
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Afternoon
16 oz/470ml H2O

D - 430
28g cheese - 66
150 g yogurt - 190
2 cups of salad - 100
1 tbls. dressing - 74
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories - 1124
H2O - 64 oz
Exercise - O

Really pleased with my day today. I got right back on track with my food plan and met my full quota with the water. Tomorrow I will start incorporating exercise.

Day 114

I spend the weekend in a semi-comatosed state on my sofa grazing on chocolates. My days of mourning.

Day 116 - Home Grey Home

We are back in London safely. Had a great old fashion send off from Barbados with all the family at the airport laughing and crying and waving. Warmed my heart, which is a good thing because I'll need all the internal warmth I can get to keep my spirits up over the next few winter months.

Ours was an overnight flight which was just perfect because I slept through most of it. As we approached the British Isles I woke up looked out the window into the early morning light and when I saw this thick seemingly inpenetratable blanket of cloud my heart sank. I love my life in London, but the weather is hard on a girl.

Yesterday this was the view from my window. Today , this is the view .

Day 117 - Happy 2008!!!

Today is our last day in Barbados ... for a while anyway. We have had the most wonderful time with my family and friends and needless to say we are very sad to be leaving. Of course, we will be back again one day soon ....

We are celebrating our last day with an early morning sail and a frolic at the beach followed by a delicious bajan (creole word for Barbadian) lunch of rice and peas, macaroni pie, flying fish and salad and of course a couple of bottles of plus. Then we are heading to an art gallery before going home to loll in the hammock until we have to leave for our 8:30pm flight.


Here are a few photos from the past few days:

Sunrise at Farley Hill on New Year's Day

Also went swimming (snorkeling) with sea turtles on New Year's Day. I love snorkeling and scuba. No scuba this time but had a ball with the turtles. They are such gentle creatures. I even kicked one accidentally and he/she did not hold it against me. Didn't have an underwater camera so I downloaded this from the web.



The sand on the beaches in Barbados is a beautiful pale pinkish colour or pale yellowish colour depending on where you swim. This beach is called Paradise Beach and is one of my two favourite beaches. I've been coming here since I was a teenager. The Four Seasons is currently building a hotel on the land overlooking this beach. All the beaches in Barbados are public property, so Four Seasons cannot privatise the beach. They can (and I am sure will) however block access to the beach through their property. This would mean that the next time I come back here I may have to walk half a mile through public property to get to this beach. It will also mean that it will move from a quiet and secluded beach to a noisy and crowded one. I'm enjoying it as much as I can now.

The graceful and majestic Royal Palm Trees

Poinsettias grow wild in Barbados, but in England you have to pay a lot of money to have the privilege of a small plant in your home.

Ginger Lilies

Christmas Candles

My mum has a small flower arranging business. Every week she donates two arrangements to her church. Here is one of her completed arrangements and another she is working on.

Traditional Barbadian chattel house

When I was a child many people did not have indoor plumbing and relied on these public "standpipes" for water. Many people met in the evenings after work at the standpipe and exchanged the day's news and gossip. If someone wanted to tell you you were stupid, it was common to say in creole: "You like you went to Standpipe High." = instead of going to high school, you spend all your time hanging out at the standpipe, so you didn't get formal education. Today, standpipes are less common, mostly existing in the country areas where a few people still rely on them.

Emancipation Statue of Bussa. Bussa was born a free man in Africa, but captured and brought to Barbados as were the ancestors of the majority of Barbadians. He went on to lead a slave rebellion against the British colonialists and slave holders in the 18th century. The rebellion was unsuccessful and he and many others, were executed by the British, but his name lived on as a courageous and defiant freedom fighter.



I've always thought that I would end up living in the Caribbean again ... eventually. I was therefore terribly excited when I discovered the new Errol Barrow Centre for Creative Imagination at the University of the West Indies. The centre is introducing the university's first Bachelor of Fine Arts program in the fall 0f 2008, which means that if I did decide I want to live in Barbados again, I'd have the possibility of continue to teach. Coincidentally, I met the daughter of one of my mother's oldest friends when I was visiting my mother's childhood village a week ago. She is program director for the centre and invited me for a grand tour on Wednesday. It is a BEAUTIFUL BUILDING and I was very impressed by their ambitious and edgy agenda. Could fate be enticing me to come back home?

My parent's home which will always be my home as well.