Day 120 - Old Year's Night!!!

I haven't been able to blog as much as I would've liked to. I've usually been too exhausted at night to stay awake and write. Also my dial-up connection is so slow I get impatient with the length of time it takes to do everything.

First let me say my food plan has been shot to pieces and I can tell that I have put on weight, but I am taking it all in my stride knowing that when I get back to London and to my routine, I'll lose the weight again and continue my downward trend.

Since I last wrote I have been spending leisurely days at the beach, Paradise Beach

visiting relatives

Cousin Aña (I love this little girl)

Aunt Ivy (90 years old) and I

and exploring the countryside.

Mahogany Trees on Cherry Tree Hill

Boys cycling down hill in Hillaby

View of the East Coast from Cherry Tree Hill

Scotland District

Anglican Church

Windmill build by the Dutch and used to process sugar cane between 16th - 19th centuries

Delores, James and I visited the village where my mum was born. Life in this village hasn't changed much and we were able to find people who remembered my grandparents, my mother and her siblings.We plan to have a quiet Old Year's Night at home. Actually, I am probably going to be asleep by 10pm. so that we can wake up by about 5:30am to go out and watch the sunrise on the first day of the new year.

Day 127 - Merry Christmas

The last few days have been busy busy busy with all sorts of Christmas stuff. We had a photographer come in to take some family photos. Here are my parents with sister no. 3 Jen. Jen wore her hair loose for the photo. It is rather beautiful and rootsy to look at, but I wouldn't want it on my head. I think it must be half of her body weight and would make me hot and miserable, but she says it's no bother.

This year we drew names for the first time for gift giving. Like so many adults in wealthy nations, we all have enough crap in our lives and really don't need any more so we thought this was a good way to keep the stuff to a minimum. I got sister no. 2 Dee. I am giving her a spa treatment which I think she will enjoy.

We have divided the Christmas meal between all of us, so that everyone is responsible for a few dishes. I (funny enough) have most of the dessert dishes. Today I was a baking genie. I baked a pineapple upside-down cake, a cheesecake and three loafs of a Barbadian speciality called coconut bread (which I am very good at making, if I do say so myself).
Coconut bread is more of a cake than a bread but it is denser than cake and filled with coconut, raisins and cherries. The trick is to get it moist rather than dry. Delores, James and I tested this one after it came out of the oven, just to make sure it was okay. They said it was my best yet. ;P

My mother, Dee and her husband are religious fanatics so before the crack of dawn on Christmas day they'll be out of the house to go to Church to celebrate the birth of their saviour. My dad, James, sister no.1 Delores, and I are heathens so there'll be no church going for us. James, Delores and I spend the evening gallivanting and then stayed up late drinking (they beer, me my plus) and dishing family dirt. LOL!!! We'll be crawl out of our beds around the time the church goers are returning home from church.

Most people here decorate the outside of their homes modestly or not at all, but a few people go all out. This is a house down the road from my parents. They have decorated it to this degree on all four sides. :o
Guess they're just having a bit of fun, eh?

Day 129

Have been having a lovely time. My eldest sister Dolores arrived from New York yesterday. Now we are all here. Dad, Mum, four sisters Dolores, Dee, Jen and me with spouses/partners and one niece.

As you can see I have not succeeded in writing every evening as hoped. It took me a little while to get Internet access into my room but I finally got it sorted tonight. So hopefully I can get down to business from tomorrow. I am using a telephone wire though and everything is so slow. I've been trying to upload some picture all evening and not having any luck. I think I need to make them smaller or something.

Anyway, my food has not been clean. I have been having far more carbs, fats and sugars than I am use to, though in moderate proportions. I think I'll allow myself some play room over the next few days and then tighten up again after that.

Only two days until Christmas. Gosh!!!

Day 133

It's so nice to be home!!! I'm always struck by how different life here is from life in the cities I've lived in. For one nature is ever present. I love the cacophony of cocks crowing, wood doves cooing and birds chirping that meet every dawn and the crickets and whistling frogs that accompany the dusk. I don't like the white lizards (I guess they're geckos), the centipedes, the flying cockroaches, or any other creeping, crawling or flying insects that invade the house. Now it would be great if my parents put screens at all the windows and doors, but I guess they think that would make life too pleasant. LOL!!!

Barbadians are quite warm and chatty people and that takes some getting use to after England where the people are quite cool and taciturn. I forget how much light friendly banter goes on here. I couldn't believe the number of strangers who shared a laugh and a light comment with me just between the plane and getting into my sister's car.

My second sister Dee, grows orchids and put this beautiful one in our room.

We spent a quiet day at home today kind of acclimatising, playing with my niece Lilee,
decorating the tree
and of course catching some zzzzzzzzz in the hammock.
I haven't figured out my food yet. We have to go to the supermarket and get what we like. I'm going to start recording my food here as usual soon, just to keep clear about what I'm consuming.

Arrived Safely

We arrived safely to blue skies and sunshine.

Jen and Lilee picked us up at the airport. Here is a picture of Jen. She is a rastafarian and that big bundle on her head is her knee length dreadlocks tied up in a scarf.

Day 134

Okay, time for a little confession here. I love travelling but I HATE flying. I can usually manage up to 5 hr. flying without a major panic attack but the longer I stay in the air the more opportunity for my compulsive obsessive personality to take over. I have to do a lot to distract myself from the hysteric brought on by the idea that goes around and around in my head that there is a thin piece of metal between me and thousands of feet of nothing. My regulation carry-on luggage is stuffed with book-on-tape, ipod, notebook, novel, even my embroiderer kit (don't worry no scissors and just a blunt needle - don't want Scotland Yard or MI5 branding me the latest terror suspect.) My best defense though is sleep, so when I am taking a morning flight, I sometimes skip sleep the night before so that I'm so tired I have no choice other than to fall asleep once I am settled on board and if things go well when I wake up, I'm there.

Day 135

Well, I'm finally all packed and tomorrow I shall be up bright and early for my flight at 11am. My sister Jen and her daughter (my only niece) Lilee, will be picking us up at the airport. The flight is about 9 hours ( which I will sleep through hopefully), but because of the time difference we will get there around 3pm Barbados time.

This is the best time to go to the southern Caribbean. Actually anytime between October - April is pretty good. It's out of hurricane season and the temperatures are reasonable, usually between 24C/76F - 30C/86F.

There are many things, I'm looking forward to: playing games and doing art projects with Lilee who is 8; gossiping with my sisters; watching the sunrise over the horizon; reading and falling asleep in the hammock with James; drinking the only soft drink in the world that I like, which can only be had in Barbados, Plus; hanging out with my friend Everton and hopefully catching up with a few others; hanging out in rum shops with James and hopefully my oldest sister Delores where they will drink Rum and I will drink Plus because I detest the taste of alcohol; playing tennis in the sun (that will be a shock considering I've only played it here in the cold and damp; drinking lots of golden apple fruit juice ( soooooooooooo incredible delicious); swimming in the beautifully clear blue Caribbean sea instead of a chemical filled pool; snorkeling and hopefully some scuba and sailing; going for long walks; having at least a slice of Barbadian pizza (yes, there is such a thing); watching the sun set on the horizon; twilight (my favourite time of the day); and eating all our traditional dishes on Christmas Day, in moderation of course ;p

I will definitely be blogging from Barbados and reading all my blogging buddies as usual. My plan is to do so, every night before I go to bed. In saying this, I just realised that blogging has truly become a part of my life and I couldn't image not checking in to say how I am doing and to visit my blogging buddies. For some reason this realisation makes me happy. Hmmmmm!

B
1 cup cereal
1/2 cup milk
1 tbls. agave
1 cup fruit juice

Day 136

B - 367
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
50 g dried fruit - 122
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
Vegetable Quiche and salad
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
Vegetable Quiche
1/2 chocolate brownie
16 oz/470ml H2O

Day 137

I love my new haircut.


B
52gs Haloumi cheese
1 cup salad with 1 tbls. dressing
2 glasses of orange juice

L
113 g salmon
2 cups salad
1 tbls dressing

Day 138

B - 367
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
50 g dried fruit - 122
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
2 grilled cheese sandwiches
Chocolate pudding
16 0z/470ml H2O

Calories -
Exercise - 0 :(
H2O - oz

Day 139

I'm actually feeling a little better today. It's been a really sunny though bitterly cold day. I am off to return some books to the library and get my hair conditioned and cut. I had a somewhat productive day. Did A LOT of laundry and caught up on a ton of emails that were waiting for a response. One has been waiting since March 2006. LOL!!! Talk about procrastinating :(

B - 367
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
50 g dried fruit - 122
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
Veggie burger and 52gs. shrimp
1 cup of carrots and beans
1 cup of avocado and cucumber
1/2 cup brown rice
1 1/2 tbls. fat
16 oz/470ml H2O

S
1 chocolate
16 oz/470ml H2O

Day 140

Boy do bad habits die hard. My term has ended and I have begun my late night forays again. I am so off right now it's just tragic. There is absolutely no good reason for me to be up at 4am. doing God knows what. F***ing around truth be told. I have always liked the wee hours of the morning when the world outside is asleep, but it's a dangerous time, yeah? Food can walk into my mouth. LOL!!! I have to laugh right now or I'd cry.

B
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
250/8 oz yogurt- 245

S
250/8 oz yogurt- 245

D
Eight sushi rolls again (told you I was compulsive, had to make them again)
Organic (LOL) Chocolate pudding
2 chocolates
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories - 735 + dinner which I don't have calories info. for
Exercise - 0 :(
H2O - 32oz :(

Day 141 - I MADE SUSHI!!!!

I haven't been writing my food down which is a bad sign. Writing my food each day keeps me conscious, honesty, transparency and accountable. Now I don't even remember what I ate. It definitely wasn't foods from my plan. I know that.

My blahs continue. I am going to take Sayre's suggestion and get one of those lights when I get back from Barbados. I saw one that's like an alarm clock with the light being the alarm. That would really be nice as one of the biggest problems is getting up in the morning.

During the first half of my life I use to wake up when the sun climbed over the horizon and shone through my bedroom window onto my face. It was the nicest feeling in the world.

B
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

L - 187
140 g tofu- 137
2 cups soup - 50
16 oz/470ml H2O

S
250/8 oz yogurt- 245


D
8 sushi rolls - calories unknown
I found some recipes on line and bought the stuff I needed and made California and sumosan roles tonight. I had not idea they were so easy to make. ;P Of course mine need perfecting. In time ... in time. Btw. the plate they are on is a small plate. Don't want you to think they're jumbo sushi filling a dinner plate. Also ate chocolate again tonight. :(
Calories -
Exercise - 0
H2O -

Day 142

B - 350
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
30g dried fruit
16 oz/470ml H2O

Day 143

B -
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
Quiche and salad
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
Quiche and salad
Curry and brown rice

Calories -
Exercise - 0
H2O -

Day 144

I am pleased to say that I had a relatively successful day yesterday. I did the elliptical trainer for an hour, my water consumption is almost back on target, and though my calorie intake was a little high, I had no chocolate. Yeah!!!!

Thank you for all your wonderful comments. They were very helpful and they made me feel sooooooooo much better and much more determined to take control of the situation and stop the slide into the black abyss. A burden shared is definitely a burden lightened.

When I read a new commenter Half Man share that he continued to run in Michigan in winter and I thought about another blogger Tracy who does the same thing in Chicago (both on the other side of frosty Canada) I went out to the patio and got on that elliptical trainer immediately. How's that for inspiration? When I was on it, it was so easy to do and felt so good that I couldn't believe I had been avoiding it?

With all the talk about winter blues and the importance of light (and exercise) I thought I'd make a little ticker to count down going home for Christmas. I was born and grew up in Barbados and though I have now lived outside Barbados longer than I have lived in Barbados, I consider it my emotional/psychological home.

I am really looking forward to seeing my family again and soaking up some of that sun.

B - 350
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
1 banana - 105
16 oz/470ml H2O

Day 145

Winter doesn't work for me. I love Autumn and Spring, but I HATE winter. It isn't just the cold that I hate, but the lack of light that I absolutely detest. In truth even though I love Autumn, from the moment the first chill in the air signals its arrival, I start to feel a creeping melancholy.

The British isles are cold, grey and damp and in the winter the days are super short. Sometimes you don't see the sun for weeks and if you do it is fleeting - a you'll miss it if you blink experience. For a long time I have suspected that the lack of sunlight affects my mood. Now I am sure of it.

According to the Seasonal Affective Disorder Association:

SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is a type of winter depression that affects an estimated half a million people every Winter between September and April, in particular during December, January and February.

It is caused by a biochemical imbalance in the hypothalamus due to the shortening of daylight hours and the lack of sunlight in winter.

For many people SAD is a seriously disabling illness, preventing them from functioning normally without continuous medical treatment. For others, it is a mild but debilitating condition causing discomfort but not severe suffering. We call this subsyndromal SAD or 'winter blues.'

Symptoms

Sleep problems:	Usually desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake but, in some cases, disturbed sleep and early morning wakening
Lethargy:	Feeling of fatigue and inability to carry out normal routine
Overeating:	Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods, usually resulting in weight gain
Depression:	Feelings of misery, guilt and loss of self-esteem, sometimes hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings
Social problems:	Irritability and desire to avoid social contact
Anxiety:	Tension and inability to tolerate stress
Loss of libido	Decreased interest in sex and physical contact
Mood changes	In some sufferers, extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (overactivity) in spring and autumn.

I definitely have a number of these symptoms.

Treatment

Light therapy has been shown to be effective in up to 85 per cent of diagnosed cases. That is, exposure, for up to four hours per day (average 1-2 hours) to very bright light, at least ten times the intensity of ordinary domestic lighting.
Antidepressant Drugs like Prozac are effective in alleviating the depressive symptoms and combing well with light therapy.
Psychotherapy, counselling or any complementary therapy which helps the sufferer to relax, accept their illness and cope with its limitations are extremely useful.
Vigorous exercise, especially outdoor activities.

Now, isn't that something. All roads lead back to exercise. I've been eating chocolate without realising that I was trying to raise my serotonin levels in order to alleviate feelings of melancholy created by SAD. Instead I should be exercising vigorously outdoor which will not only make me feel better but help me lose weight. Go figure!!! Well tennis and tango are done for the year but I do have my elliptical trainer which lives on my patio. My goal today is to get on it.

B - 350
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
1 banana - 105
16 oz/470ml H2O

L - 450
Cheese and vegetable quiche - 450
16 oz/470ml H2O

S
100g mackerel - 355

D - 450
Cheese and vegetable quiche - 450
16 oz/470ml H2O


Calories - 1605
Exercise - 1 hour on the elliptical trainer so far (Hooray!!!)
H2O - 48 oz

Day 146

I am in the doldrums and I hit the chocolate again today. :( It's my own fault for bringing chocolate into the house in the first place.

B - 245
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

L - 450
Cheese and vegetable quiche - 450
16 oz/470ml H2O

Grazed on chocolate for the rest of the day. :(

Calories - 695 +
Exercise - 0
H2O - 32 oz

Day 147

My strange mood still hasn't lifted but at least my food is back on track. Still have to work on my water and exercise.

B - 407
1 banana - 60
50 g dried fruit - 82
113 g soymilk - 65
52 g oatmeal - 200
16 oz/470ml H2O

S - 245
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

L - 250
3 caps of Pea and vegetable soup - 250

D - 450
Cheese and vegetable quiche - 450

Calories - 1352
Exercise - 0
H2O - 32 oz

Day 148 - A Song For You

Had a better day today than yesterday. Was able to get back on track food wise though I had an appointment this morning and had to leave early so did not get to exercise as planned.

B - 466
Cooked apple, dried fruit,cinnamon and agave- 208
52 g oatmeal - 200
150 ml soymilk - 62
16oz H2O

L - 245
250g/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

S - 197
28g/1oz cheese - 114
2 tbls hummus - 63
1 carrot - 20

D - 250
3 cups Pea and vegetable soup - 250

Calories - 1158
Exercise - 0
H2O - 32 oz

Day 149

Was feeling out of sorts all day. Didn't feel like being bothered with anything. Lost the plot this afternoon and had about 8 sweet biscuits. They ruined my appetite for the rest of the day. Have been having chocolate everyday since Friday. Trying to escape a sense of loss and exhaustion I always feel at the end of term. I need to prepare myself better for the emotionally fall out at term's end, so I don't reach for food inappropriately.

B - 466

Cooked apple, dried fruit,cinnamon and agave- 208
52 g oatmeal - 200
150 ml soymilk - 62

16oz H2O

S - 245
250/8 oz yogurt- 245
16 oz/470ml H2O

8 chocolate biscuits - ?

Calories - TBD

Exercise - 0
H2O - 8 oz (yikees)

Day 150

B
Yogurt with granola, honey and banana
16 oz/470ml H2O

L
Quiche and salad
16 oz/470ml H2O

D
Cheese sandwich
16 oz/470ml H2O

S
3 chocolates
16 oz/470ml H2O

Calories - Unknown (was at a workshop all day & had all my meals out)
Exercise - 1/2 hour on the elliptical trainer
H2O - 64 oz/1.9 liters